…
Episcope, your humanity never stops surprising me, from this post and others. I thought you were already in Cambridge and were gloating, but that shows nothing more than my ignorance and failure to read deeply.
I’ve been to Oxford the city, in St Clare’s university, where I had a tutor from Oxford University’s St Catherine’s college. He made me feel bright. universitates trans mare a te is a joke: it is education for the masses (which is oxymoronic at best), and I spend most of my time here wasted on things I couldn’t care less about. Your own ideas have no value whatsoever. In English, quote the critic or Nobel laureate when you’re fortunate enough to have a teacher that doesn’t try to inculcate their own views into you. If you say it, it means nothing. If the critic says it, it is from the gods. In philosophy, internalise your teacher’s ideas because to go beyond their narrow pontificating is deemed ‘incomprehensible’ (that’s an actual quote from a philosophy professor who graduated from Harvard; in the essay, I had cut the implications behind my own thinking in half, because I already knew what most American teachers were like - not, however, all American teachers, I should clarify. Aynway that’s something that would never have happened in Oxford, at least not in my experience).
I was going to apply to its hallowed halls, and I’m sure McClaughlin would have put in a very good word, but I couldn’t afford it in the end because I’d have to start over and American universities charge like money were dissolving etc. etc.
But the point of all this: obviously you have intelligence. I think that knowledge is the point of a university education, and I think that what they try to find are people in whom that knowledge will be well-seated and suited. If whiteoctave gives you compliments, that should be enough. Forget not being nervous and not looking like an inadequate idiot of a buffoon in front of them; that’s a symptom which affects almost all of us when we’re around those whom we know are judging us and whom we know also know more than us. Very few people are not nervous in such circumstances. And I don’t think knowledge itself is what they’re looking for, but rather a person in whom that knowledge will not be squandered, namely a person who thinks for themselves.
And if they don’t accept you, so be it. It is slightly more work when you don’t have someone intelligent and knowledgeable beside you twice a week to clarify things, but it’s certainly not impossible. Pavur says that ‘great Latinists like Vives lacked even an adequate dictionary’ or something along those lines. I certainly think Latin can be learned alone. Not having access to good books wounds, but does not kill.
Anyway I’m going to stop giving my unsolicited personal opinions on everything.
Best of luck, Episcope. Let us know how it turns out.
Episcope,
Your self doubts are squandered energy and wasted time (easily said, i know). If your interviewers at Cam. (or anywhere, for anything) are worth their stations they are looking for enthusiasm, intelligence, and potential. If they’re not then they’re on ego trips and you’re better off with someone else, so f*** 'em. Even from your postings you clearly have all of those qualities ('e gads, i sound like a parent).
My first professional job i went to interview purely to take the micturate, for their means were (in my humble) totally unfit for their ends. We got on so well that they offered me a job. It was probably the best job i’ve ever had.
A series of similar tales has led me to try not to take any such ordeal seriously.
Pride in image may be important, but self-acceptance of image is more important. (Please forgive any presumption on my part.) Mass is irrelevant - there will always be potential partners attracted to your ‘type’ and intellectual level, you just need to recognise them. If you were ugly and weighed 6/11 you’d still find someone, if you knew how to look
Luck ‘n’ stuff. i look forward et cetera …
sis.
P.S. It’s awful flat around Cam. i’ve been told the suicide rate in the fen is the highest of any area of Britain. People top themselves just to relieve the tedium. 
In 5 years time you won’t even remember the names of those stupid people at your school - but they’ll remember you! And then you’ll have the weird feeling of running into some boring little nobody one day on a tube station who says “wow - Episcopus - how are you going? You went to Cambridge? How wonderful - you were so bright at school …dribble… dribble”. And all you can think is - do I know you? It turns out to be one of the people in your class - you can’t remember their name or anything about them. You say a few condescending things about how good to see you etc and try to escape them as soon as possible.
And if you are wondering why I know this? been there, done that.