Hi Michael, yes that (correct) version sounds much nicer! To be honest I couldn’t look anything up (my resources are at home), and so wasn’t aware of that correct version: I was just moving around the words as given and trying to change as little as possible there, like the first few lessons in Sidgwick’s Greek verse comp book, where you just move the words around like lego blocks to get something that scans.
Agreed that chiastic anadiplosis (A B, B A) is very rare (and too mannered for my tastes: if I could have started from scratch I would not have written that!), but interestingly it does occur having just looked around a little, e.g. κακὸς δ᾿ ὁ μὴ ἔχων, οἱ δ᾿ ἔχοντες ὄλβιοι (Euripides fragment), gestari iuuat et iuuat lauari (Martial 7.76), etc.
On anarthrous adjectives used as substantives, I remember we talked about this a while back – do you think absence of the article here is more natural?
http://discourse.textkit.com/t/rouse-syntax-idioms/17383/9
On χρή versus δεῖ, I’ll take your word for it! My knowledge of Greek after Aristotle drops off a cliff and plunges deep, hitting the ocean floor. My version was responding to the Aristotle quote.
Cheers, Chad