Disney's "Speechless" in Latin - Please Help Proofread

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Gregorius
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Disney's "Speechless" in Latin - Please Help Proofread

Post by Gregorius »

I'm about to send these Latin lyrics to a singer I've hired to record them, so I decided to review them and make any last-minute tweaks I deemed worthwhile. Now that I've got the substance about as good as it's likely to get, I'd really like to have at least one other pair of eyes on the grammar and idiom, preferably those of a much more experienced and rigorously trained Latinist than I am. I hate it when a couple of small errors slip by a bit too late to correct in the recording!


So if any of you have some time to spare, I would greatly appreciate your feedback and critiques on this adaptation of "Speechless" from Disney's 2019 remake of Aladdin.

---
Hīc unda mē abactūra surgit
Et mē in harēnam summergit.
Fremitus iam meam vōcem sorbuit.
Nihil quod dīcō ēmergit.

Nec plōrābō
Nec contrā hoc conlābar.
Nōn est minātiō
Quae umquam percellat mē.

Haud in silentium
Pellar vel urgēbor.
Cōnātū nōn terrēbor.
Certē nōn tacēbō,
Sed audiar!

Spīrābō,
Cum tendent mē suffōcāre.
Nōlī minus exspectāre.
Certē nōn tacēbō,
Sed audiar!

Firmissimē quaeque lex scripta'st diū,
Saeculīs scalpta in saxum.
"Semper melior vīsū quam audītū."
Mox illud erit abactum.

Perstō,
Nam nōn conlābī possum.
Nunc cōnār' ergō
Mē percellere, sī audēs.

Haud in silentium
Pellar vel urgēbor.
Cōnātū nōn terrēbor.
Certē nōn tacēbō,
Sed audiar!
Audiar!

In procellā,
Nōn rumpar, sed pergam.
Haud meam vōcem perdam.
Certē nōn tacēbō,
Sed audiar!

Sī in carcer' inclūdar,
Nec moriar nec dēspērābō.
Quamvīs fractae ālae sint,
Tamen trans caelum candēbō.
Resonat dēclārātiō.

Haud silēbō.
Quamquam mē terrēre
Vīs, numquam terrēbor.
Certē nōn tacēbō,
Sed audiar!
Audiar!

Spīrābō,
Cum tendent mē suffōcāre.
Nōlī minus exspectāre.
Certē nōn tacēbō,
Sed audiar!

Certē nōn tacēbō,
Sed audiar!
Audiar!
---

In case it helps, here's a literal back-translation of what I at least intend for the lyrics to mean.

---
Here rises a wave about to drive me away.
It is plunging me into the sand.
The roar has already swallowed my voice.
Nothing that I say emerges.

I will neither cry
Nor collapse against this.
There is not a threat
That could ever strike me down.

By no means into silence
Will I be pushed or pressed.
I will not be frightened by the attempt.
I will certainly not be silent,
But I will be heard!

I will breathe,
When they endeavor to suffocate me.
Do not expect less.
I will not be silent,
But I will be heard!

Most firmly has every law long been written,
Carved into a stone slab by the centuries.
"Always better seen than heard." (i.e. "Always better to see than to hear.")
That will soon have been banished.

I stand firm,
For I cannot collapse.
Now try therefore
To strike me down, if you dare.

By no means into silence
Will I be pushed or pressed.
I will not be frightened by the attempt.
I will certainly not be silent,
But I will be heard!
I will be heard!

In a storm,
I will not be broken, but I will continue.
By no means will I lose my voice.
I will certainly not be silent,
But I will be heard!

If I am locked in jail,
I will neither die nor despair.
However much the wings have been broken,
I will still shine across the sky.
The declaration resounds.

I won't be silent,
Though you want to frighten me,
I will not be frightened.
I will not be silent,
But I will be heard!
I will be heard!

I will breathe,
When they endeavor to suffocate me.
Do not expect less.
I will certainly not be silent,
But I will be heard!

I will not be silent,
But I will be heard!
I will be heard!
---

So if you have doubts or corrections about anything from the length of a particular vowel to the nuance of how a particular word can plausibly be used, please let me know! My only question of a more stylistic nature is how clear it is from context that the "Do not expect less" refers to not expecting anything less than the singer (defiantly) breathing when you want to suffocate her. Does it plausibly convey that sense of "Expect nothing less than a fight!"?

Even if you find nothing really wrong with the lyrics, please consider leaving a quick message to that effect, since that can ultimately be just as helpful as corrections or critiques.

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