De mythologia aegyptiorum - caput secundum

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Lambda
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De mythologia aegyptiorum - caput secundum

Post by Lambda »

Vobis pascham iucundam opto! Salvi sitis!

Quid de litteris meis sentitis?

At the moment I am particularly focusing on using
1) ancient (say from Plautus to Tacitus) or Renaisscance vocabularly and
2) 'textbook' grammar
correctly. I'll greatly appreciate any help or suggestions.

Ra, primus deorum, postquam ex aqua exgressus in collem, qui in lingua aegyptuorum 'benben' appellatum erat, ascendit, Schu et Tefnut ex se creavit. Postea, cum genus Rae hominesque in terra vixerunt, Ra, rex omnium deorum hominumque factus, longe et probe regnavit. Tunc vetus et debilitans Ra non iam valide regnare potuit. Homines, de hac re certiores facti, statim coeperunt coniurationem facere.
Ra, debilitens, sed non iam omnino infirmus, coniurationem animadvertuit, et extemplo omnes deos in regiam suam convocavit. Ibi dei inter se collucuti sunt, et postremo consilium contra coniurationem hominum fecerunt. Primum Ra imperium deum iuvenem adhuc validum dedit. Tunc decreverunt Sachmin inter homines mitturam esse, ut eos ad unum omnes interficeret.
Iussum deorum sequens Sachmis saeva homines dilacare coepit. Heu! Etiam Ra misercordia motus homines parcere desideravit. Ac quomodo eum deam saevam retinere potest? Re nimis infirmus non iam Sachmin vi coercere potuit caedam finire. Ergo dolo utens contra eam egit. Priusquam Sachmis ad agrum pervenit, ut homines interficere pergeret, in illum agrum ingens copia cervisiae rubentis effusa est. Sachmis cervisiam rubentem videns credidit agrum iam plenam cruoris esse. In agrum saluit et extemplo sangrem haurire desiderans coepit cervisiam bibere. Cum totam cervisiam bibisset, ebria obdormivit et ita homines servati sunt.

Shenoute
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Re: De mythologia aegyptiorum - caput secundum

Post by Shenoute »

Tibi quoque diem Pascharum jucundum opto!

Ra, primus deorum, postquam ex aqua exgressus in collem,
>egressus

qui in lingua aegyptuorum 'benben' appellatum erat,
>appellatum erat is a pluperfect "had been called". If you were going for "was called", appellabatur or appellatus est would work I think, since both the imperfect and the perfect seem to be used in this kind of backrgound information (with a different nuance)

ascendit, Schu et Tefnut ex se creavit. Postea, cum genus Rae hominesque in terra vixerunt,
>I'm not sure about genus here. Were you going for gens, "the people of Ra"?
>vixerunt should be vivebant since I guess you meant "they lived" in the sense of "they were living".

Ra, rex omnium deorum hominumque factus, longe et probe regnavit. Tunc vetus et debilitans Ra non iam valide regnare potuit.
>debilitans is active, so it means that Ra is "debilitating something/someone"; debilitatus would convey the passive meaning

Homines, de hac re certiores facti, statim coeperunt coniurationem facere. Ra, debilitens,
>debilitatus

sed non iam omnino infirmus, coniurationem animadvertuit, et extemplo omnes deos in regiam suam convocavit.
>I think non iam doesn't fit here, since it means "no longer" and it seems you meant "not yet wholly...". If so, nondum may work
>animadvertit

Ibi dei inter se collucuti sunt, et postremo consilium contra coniurationem hominum fecerunt.
>collocuti

Primum Ra imperium deum iuvenem adhuc validum dedit.
>deum needs to be dative
>juvenis is usually a noun if I'm not mistaken. Maybe replace it with someting like natu minor: deo natu minori et adhuc valido

Tunc decreverunt Sachmin inter homines mitturam esse, ut eos ad unum omnes interficeret.
>There are two problems with mitturam:
- the correct form is missuram
- missuram esse, while correct in form, is an active future infinitive, "they decided that she would send...". Latin has no real passive future infinitive so you have to use something else, like Sachmin mittendam esse or the not too common (but still well attested) missum iri (note that it is always -um iri regardless of the gender of the person/thing concerned)

Iussum deorum sequens Sachmis saeva homines dilacare coepit. Heu! Etiam Ra misercordia motus homines parcere desideravit.
>Iussum deorum sequens may be a calque of the English "to follow an order". I don't know if that's attested in Latin. A quick look in dictionaries doesn't show anything
>dilacerare
>hominibus parcere, parco is one of those verbs that use the Dative for their object. To remember this kind of things I found useful at first to associate the verb with a translation that also uses an indirect object. So, in this case, not spare, which leads you to use a direct object ("Spare who? Men. Hence parcere homines") but something like "show mercy to" ("Show mercy to whom? To men. Hence parcere hominibus").

I don't have time to do the rest but I hoe somebody else will!

Lambda
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Re: De mythologia aegyptiorum - caput secundum

Post by Lambda »

Again, many thanks! I am certainly learning a lot. : - )
Shenoute wrote: Sun Apr 12, 2020 7:08 pm
ascendit, Schu et Tefnut ex se creavit. Postea, cum genus Rae hominesque in terra vixerunt,
>I'm not sure about genus here. Were you going for gens, "the people of Ra"?
I wanted to say 'the descendants of Ra'. What would be a more natural way to say that?

Here is the revised text:

Ra, primus deorum, postquam ex aqua egressus in collem, qui in lingua aegyptuorum 'benben' appellatum est, ascendit, Schu et Tefnut ex se creavit. Postea, cum genus Rae hominesque in terra vivebant, Ra, rex omnium deorum hominumque factus, longe et probe regnavit. Tunc vetus et debilitatus Ra non iam valide regnare potuit. Homines, de hac re certiores facti, statim coeperunt coniurationem facere.
Ra, debilitens, sed nondum omnino infirmus, coniurationem animadvertit, et extemplo omnes deos in regiam suam convocavit. Ibi dei inter se collocuti sunt, et postremo consilium contra coniurationem hominum fecerunt. Primum Ra imperium deo natu minori et adhuc valido dedit. Tunc decreverunt Sachmin inter homines mittendam esse, ut eos ad unum omnes interficeret.
Iusso deorum parens Sachmis saeva homines dilacerare coepit. Heu! Etiam Ra misercordia motus hominibus parcere desideravit.. Ac quomodo eum deam saevam retinere potest? Re nimis infirmus non iam Sachmin vi coercere potuit caedam finire. Ergo dolo utens contra eam egit. Priusquam Sachmis ad agrum pervenit, ut homines interficere pergeret, in illum agrum ingens copia cervisiae rubentis effusa est. Sachmis cervisiam rubentem videns credidit agrum iam plenam cruoris esse. In agrum saluit et extemplo sangrem haurire desiderans coepit cervisiam bibere. Cum totam cervisiam bibisset, ebria obdormivit et ita homines servati sunt.

Shenoute
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Re: De mythologia aegyptiorum - caput secundum

Post by Shenoute »

Glad I could help!
Lambda wrote: Mon Apr 13, 2020 8:27 amI wanted to say 'the descendants of Ra'. What would be a more natural way to say that?
Progenies, maybe?

Lambda
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Re: De mythologia aegyptiorum - caput secundum

Post by Lambda »

Sounds good. Thanks again! : - )

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