Is this a correct translation?

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chica
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Is this a correct translation?

Post by chica » Mon Jul 21, 2008 8:01 pm

Aeneaus Troianos contra Rutulos ducebat. Dum nox erat et copiae dormiebant, duces Troianorum in castris consilium habebant. Ad hos Nisus Euryalusque, iuvenes Troiani, audent venire. “O magni viri,? dicit Nisus, “si me cum Euryalo ad castra Rutulorum mittetis, non solum multos homines necabimus, sed etiam multam praedam ex illis rapiemus; somnus enim istos habet.? “Animos virtutemque horum iuvenum laudo!? exclamat Iulus, filius Aeneae illius. “Valete!?

Nunc veniunt Nisus Euryalusque in castra Rutulorum. Necant unum, tum multos alios. Euryalus ornamenta unius, galeam alterius, rapit. Cum hac praeda fugiunt. Sed Volcens, dux Rutulorum, illos Troianos videt et alios Rutulos vocat. Splendor istius galeae illos ad Euryalum ducit. Nisus hunc in periculo videt et audet amicum servare. Necat Volcentem, sed iste antea Euryalum necat. Tum alii Nisum vicunt; hic super corpus Euryali cadit.

Hanc fabulam totam Vergilius sribet et his Troianis famam perpetuam dabit.

Aeneaus was leading the Trojans against the Rutulians. While it was night and the troops were sleeping, the Trojan leaders were having a planning session in the camp. Nisus and Euryalus, Trojan youth, dared to come to this meeting. “Oh great men,? says Nisus, “if you send me with Euryalos to the Rutulians camp, not only will we kill many men, but we will even snatch much loot from that camp; for sleep has that camp.? “I praise the courage and virtue of these youths!? cries out Iulus, son of the famous Aeneas. “Farewell!?

Now Nisus and Euryalus come into the Rutulian camp. They kill one, and then many others. Euryalus snatches the fancy clothes of one, the helmet of another. With this loot they flee. But Volcens, the Rutulian leader, sees those Trojans and calls the other Rutulians. The brightness of that helmet leads them to Euryalus. Nisus sees him in danger and dares to save his friend. He kills Volcens, but he kills Euryalus before that. Then the others overcome Nisus; He falls dead on top of Euryalus body.

Virgil writes this whole story and gives eternal fame to these Trojans.

Twpsyn
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Post by Twpsyn » Mon Jul 21, 2008 8:21 pm

Typos:
Aeneaus
*Aeneas
with Euryalos
*Euryalus
to the Rutulians camp
*Rutulians'
sribet
*scribet

Here are some corrections for a strict literal translation.

Duces Troianorum: leaders of the Trojans
iuvenes: youths (typo, probably)
ad hos: to these men
ex illis: could refer to either the camp or the men. There's no noun in the Latin, so if you need strict literalness 'camp' shouldn't be there; on the other hand, if you take illis as masculine plural (more likely to my mind), it's standard procedure to translate it as 'those men'.
somnus istos habet: sleep has the men (can't be the camp, which is neuter)
in castra Rutulorum: into the camp of the Rutulians
dux Rutulorum: leader of the Rutulians
scribet, dabit: will write, will give

Interaxus
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Post by Interaxus » Tue Jul 22, 2008 1:48 am

Necat Volcentem, sed iste antea Euryalum necat.
He kills Volcens, but he kills Euryalus before that.
Which ‘he’ kills Euryalus? Surely not Nisus. Disambiguate! (‘iste’ = ‘that one’ = Volcens)

Cheers,
Int

Essorant
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Post by Essorant » Tue Jul 22, 2008 2:15 am

Other than some of the points mentioned above, (especially the "iste"), there are no major issues. The translation shows you understand well what you are reading. Keep up the good work.<pre></pre>

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