Aeneid Lines 1-7 (Greek)

[errator]

I'm a beginner in composing Latin/Greek verse, but wanted to share a translation of the opening lines of Virgil's Aeneid. I've tried to render it in Homeric(-ish!) dactylic hexameter, and would much appreciate any feedback. This is also my first post here, so apologies if I'm doing anything wrong.

Original

Arma virumque cano, Troiae qui primus ab oris
Italiam, fato profugus, Laviniaque venit
litora, multum ille et terris iactatus et alto
vi superum saevae memorem Iunonis ob iram;
multa quoque et bello passus, dum conderet urbem,
inferretque deos Latio, genus unde Latinum,
Albanique patres, atque altae moenia Romae.

Translated

ἀνερ ἀειδω και χαλκον Τροιας ὁς ἐκ οὐρων
πρωτον δη εἰς Ἰταλιαν ἐσαφικετο φευγων.
πλαζομενος πλειων χειρεσσι θεων ἐταραχθη
μαλλον ἐπιζαφελου δια μηνιν μνημονα Ἡρης
πολλα μογησε μαχειομενος πολιν εἱως κτισσε
και ἠνεικε θεους Λατιονδ' ὁποθεν δε Λατινοι
Ἀλβανοι πατερες και μην εὐπυργος Ῥωμη.

Many thanks.

[mwh]

A brave effort, but I’m afraid this is scarcely intelligible. In your first line ανερ is presumably for ανερ(α), but the antecedent of ὃς seems to be χαλκον, when you want it to be ανερα=ανδρα, and εκ ουρων would be εξ ουρων (unmetrical; you could try απ’). For πρωτον you mean πρῶτος. Etc.etc.

If you want to compose hexameters you really need to immerse yourself in Homer first. And if you really want to try your hand at composing Greek verse you’ll have better chance of success with iambic trimeters.

[errator]

Noted - I'm just an A-Level student, so anticipated making lots of mistakes! And I suppose it was a lot of fun to write, even if it doesn't make much sense. I would really like to work on composing hexameters so will try to immerse myself in Homer and see if I can improve - are there any resources for Greek verse that you'd recommend? Thanks so much for taking the time to give feedback/advice; I really appreciate it.

[mwh]

I’m glad I didn’t put you off! And you did have some good touches. Some of the lines end quite well. Your second line for instance could be mildly amended to πρῶτος δή ποτ’ ες Ιταλιην εσαφικετο φευγων. But εἱως κτισσε is ungainly to say the least, and your final και μην εὐπυργος Ῥωμη is horrid. Both are intolerably heavy.
I don’t know what to suggest for help composing hexameters, though I expect things exist. Iambics are easier, and there’s an old book by Sidgwick expressly designed for such purposes: An Introduction to Greek verse composition, which I see is available on the Internet Archive. You’d probably find that helpful.
Our resident Plato expert Chad is good with iambics. And you might explore a number of earlier Textkit posts. I remember a fun one on “Oh Brother where are thou.”

[errator]

Amazing, I'll try the book, and look through some earlier posts - maybe in a little while I'll have another go and see if I can improve! Thanks for all the help, much appreciated