Feeling Low

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primitive
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Feeling Low

Post by primitive » Wed Nov 17, 2004 12:14 am

I've lately been really depressed and sad. I hope it's just a teenage phase, even though its lasting a long time. It's a long personal story as to why I'm feeling low, but the bottom line is that I almost feel that my sheer existance is interferring with other peoples' lives in a bad way. I usually cry myself to sleep and most of my friends don't seem to care that I feel like crap. Did any of you guys have a similar experience during your younger years?
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Geoff
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Post by Geoff » Wed Nov 17, 2004 12:27 am

The Epitome of being a teenager is summarized by your post. So take heart.

Your existence affects everyone you come in contact with and while our influence can be positive or negative I think that sometimes it is overstated and we neglect the fact that what they make of our behaviour is largely up to them.

Your friends may not care or they may not understand, or they are frightened and driven by such similar feelings that all they can do when they are around is maintain composure for themselves so that they come across as insensitive. Don't base your happiness on they're strength, loyalty or compassion. Perhaps you need new friends (notice the perhaps).

The bottom line of what I'm saying is that its a tough time in life and it can be the best and the worst at the same time. Choose to enjoy the side that makes it the best and it will be better later.

2 pointers: Crying yourself to sleep only causes chronic headaches. Next time forget sleep and get up and do something productive (perhaps study greek or latin). Also, "Disintegration" has that effect, try "wish" - Friday I'm in love (happy song).

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Post by William » Wed Nov 17, 2004 12:37 am

Primitive, maybe the problem is that Cure album you've been listening to. Disintegration is a bummer (but actually one of my faves from the 80's). Kidding aside, hang in there. If things get really tough consider therapy. It may help you big time.

Good luck.

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primitive
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Post by primitive » Wed Nov 17, 2004 1:06 am

ooo I love that song Friday I'm in love!

i don't actually have the album Disintegration, but i do have some songs from it. but yea, maybe thats it...
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Post by Rhuiden » Wed Nov 17, 2004 1:10 am

Primitive, what you are going through is normal for all people no matter what their age. Take heart, you have the power to change your mood. It takes a little practice but you can learn not to feel the way you do. Your attitude about things is the most important aspect of learning this.

Also, you could get involved in a cause that you believe in, read an inspirational book or take up an interesting hobby. I find the Bible to be very helpful especially the books of Proverbs and Hebrews.

I agree with William in that you may need to talk to someone about things. This could be your parents, your pastor, or a trained counselor. Good luck as you try to shed the fellings of your current situation.

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Timothy
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Post by Timothy » Wed Nov 17, 2004 1:17 am

A few thoughts and a bit of practical advice I hope will put things in a clearer light.

Depression is a fairly common illness, did you know that? A fairly significant percentage of people in the world suffer from it, in varying degrees, at some point in their life. It is almost a part of the human condition.

It may be a cliche, but realizing you're depressed is half the battle. Depression affects how you percieve the world and the people and events in it. If you know that you're not doing this as well as you do at other times, that helps. And if you realise you're depressed, you can act on that knowledge.

Telling someone else how you feel, as in, "I know I've been depressed lately and it's bothering me", is important to do. You may feel uncomfortable doing this but keep in mind an old saying, "Don't take the counsel of your fears." It is the depression and fear that are blocking you from acting. Don't listen to them and speak up. The fear will evaporate. Parents, teachers, a brother or sister or a trusted adult neighbor are good choices.

Exercise, even a moderate amount, helps a lot. Get regular sleep. If your sleeping is really broken, you should see a doctor.

Teenage years are eventful for all sorts of reasons. As the saying goes, "You wear your emotions on your sleeve." But another part of being a teenager is the nearly boundless amount of energy you are capable of. If you are having trouble with one part of your life, say your friends, take a break from that part and look at something else you do like. You have time to go back when you are feeling better. By then things will look different and you will be prepared to handle them.

Good luck!

As Red Green would say,

"I'm pulling for ya cuz we're all in this together."
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Post by primitive » Wed Nov 17, 2004 1:25 am

i have told one friend and she's really trying to help me. thats good and shes a very nice person. i do excersise and will be a LOT in the very near future. i'm going to be learning the chinese martial art, wushu.

Image

i didnt expect all of these replies. maybe its cause its different from my friends at school who seem to not even notice.
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Post by klewlis » Wed Nov 17, 2004 2:58 am

well we noticed cuz you told us straight up. :)

I do agree with those above who say it is a natural part of being human to have our emotional ups and downs. It can be especially difficult during the teen years because you add in the factors of wild hormones, growing up, and finding your identity. The best thing I can tell you for that is that there is an end to it! Highschool is just a few years of our lives and then it's gone; while we're there it feels like the whole world, but before you know it you'll be done and then you'll wonder what all the fuss was about. :) Surround yourself with positive, productive people. Exercise is SO important, as is eating well and getting enough sleep. Also I'm reminded of the acronym for people fighting addictions: HALT. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. When you are feeling those particular things, those are the times you are weakest. So take care of them as much as possible and that will ease the stress.

If it does continue and doesn't seem to be letting up, do get checked by a doctor in case you have clinical depression. That can usually be treated by medication (I know that sounds awful but it's really not!) and can improve your quality of life significantly.

I think martial arts is a great idea.

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Post by Jeff Tirey » Wed Nov 17, 2004 3:46 am

this has been said already but it needs to be said again..... stop listening to Disintegration :wink: Too much of Robert can bum anyone out. BTW I'm a Cure fan myself.
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Post by Episcopus » Wed Nov 17, 2004 5:37 pm

Get some weights. Get some protein. Lift heavy lift hard.

Harsh times harsh times dark days dark days I had. I solved it with time, LATIN (or if you do greek work hard and write something), and most importantly to use a cliché look on the bright side of life son. If it's dark inverse it. See the best in things, if there is something that you could like and nothing better settle for it.
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Post by MyIlium » Thu Nov 18, 2004 5:08 am

I agree with Episcopus. Mindless exercise is good.
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Post by Episcopus » Thu Nov 18, 2004 6:23 pm

After about 6 months of weights and stomach exercises you will be happier since many girls will want you. But it's backfired on me since I don't know whether for me or my stomach. Probably the latter I know.

Exercise is not at all mindless: diet has to be good, some sort of knowledge of the human body and nutrients required etc.
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Post by yadfothgildloc » Thu Nov 18, 2004 8:52 pm

Primative: I agree with what everyone else has said and want to add this:

find something you love - writing poetry in dead languages, taking long walks alone late at night, playing a musical instrument, reading cyberpunk, whatever. Do it. Get good at it. if you have somethign you love, it makes life worth living. if you don't have something to love, get out and do things - find something, becuase trust me, it's out there.

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Post by Episcopus » Thu Nov 18, 2004 8:57 pm

Try and find a nice girl, you'd be surprised how it can make you lose sight of everything else for example languages and work. But if it gets you out of feeling low it might be what you need...because nice girls are some kind of gift that we as humans can't deny.

It sounds like I am in love but I'm not, just making a suggestion. I do believe all of it however :P
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Post by primitive » Thu Nov 18, 2004 10:08 pm

find something you love - writing poetry in dead languages, taking long walks alone late at night, playing a musical instrument, reading cyberpunk, whatever. Do it. Get good at it. if you have somethign you love, it makes life worth living. if you don't have something to love, get out and do things - find something, becuase trust me, it's out there.
golf. done.
Last edited by primitive on Sat Dec 04, 2004 3:08 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by yadfothgildloc » Thu Nov 18, 2004 10:10 pm

Good luck!

primitive
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Post by primitive » Fri Nov 19, 2004 1:20 am

I haven't told my parents how I feel because:

1. I don't think they would believe me because I'm always trying to act happy around them.

2. I think they would only say that its okay or something like that, which wouldn't comfort me in the least.

3. They might tell me that their problems are much more stressful than mine and get mad at me for being depressed.

Thoughts on this?
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Post by benissimus » Fri Nov 19, 2004 1:35 am

Beware of evil misguided advice from fellow teenager to follow...


My parents are the last people I would want to talk about anything personal with. It depends on your relationship with your parents whether you should talk to them right away, but if you have some good friends it would probably be better to talk to them. Don't just tell them you are depressed but get it all off your chest, reasons and feelings and all that. Parents are often more concerned with making things better than they are with just listening, that is where friends come in. Not to mention they tend to get worried or don't take you seriously, either of which isn't going to give you the reassurance you want. It's hard to give specific advice since your reasons for being depressed are not really clear, but you probably don't want to reveal those reasons to an entire forum of people.

If it doesn't involve your parents then maybe you don't have to tell them at all (unless it's an emergency). If it does involve them then you can work up to that, figure out what you are going to say and practice on someone a bit more sympathetic.
3. They might tell me that their problems are much more stressful than mine and get mad at me for being depressed.
Gotta love that!
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Post by Kopio » Fri Nov 19, 2004 3:19 am

Hmmmmm......a lot of things rolled around in my mind as I read this thread.....here are some of them.

1) I can remember being a teenager and wanting to feel bad.

Sometimes I like to feel bad and depressed...it's usually if I listen to too much Henry Rollins, or Linkin Park....I usually counter this with knocking off the heavy stuff and switching over to some early Miles Davis, which can be another kind of feeling bad....but more "blue" than "bad" or "depressed.

2) Believe it or not, your parents DO genuinely care for and love you.

Unless, of course, they are sociopaths, in which case, get out of there as soon as you can. (I do mean that too, I know it sounds sort of funny, but I had friends with abusive parents in school, and it did nothing but tear them down and destroy their self-esteem.) Barring the fact that they're crazy, they do love you and want to see you have a good life, my guess is they want what's best for you.....and that would in fact be that you would "feel better", granted it might be something they can do nothing about...but it's good to at least let them know how you feel.

3) You have already started the healing process.

I am a recovered addict and alcoholic....step one of the Big Book of Alcoholic Anonymous is....We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, and that our lives had become unmanageable....you can insert almost any word in the slot of "alcohol" and get close to the same effect. Oftentimes in my experience I have found that just laying your problem(s) on the table does a lot to clear them up (this is very true in marriage...but you're a long way from that)...talk to some friends...not kids that you just joke around with or know from school....but your REAL friends...one that you can tell anything to....they'll listen if you choose the right time and place to tell them.

4) Welcome to life as a teenager.....

You have to remember...you have hormones and pheremones and all those other mones coursing through your body right now......bottom line is, your body is in flux, and to top it, your are really starting to think and relate to life on a level you never did before....you're forming your own opinions, (generally) rebelling against your parents ideals, expectations and values, and trying to figure out what the he11 you're doing on this little green dot!

5) Hang in there....

This is preparing you for the rest of your life....if you can make it through teen-age insanity, you've got life in the bag.

FWIW, I'll keep you in my prayers, and I do wish you the best.

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Post by Bert » Fri Nov 19, 2004 3:40 am

primitive wrote:I haven't told my parents how I feel because:

1. I don't think they would believe me because I'm always trying to act happy around them.
The fact that you are trying to act happy around them kind of tells me that you get along with your parents alright. It is hard to give advice; I don't know you and I don't know your parents so please filter my advice with your own knowledge of the situation.
I think you should give your parents a try. My guess is that they'll believe you. They may not understand but...do you understand your feelings yourself? Just because they may not understand, does not mean that they can't help. In a lot of cases depression is not rational.
primitive wrote: 2. I think they would only say that its okay or something like that, which wouldn't comfort me in the least.
I don't think a parent would say that it is okay to be depressed and then leave it at that. They may say: "It's okay to talk about it, get it off your chest."
primitive wrote: 3. They might tell me that their problems are much more stressful than mine and get mad at me for being depressed.
Their problems may be more stressfful than yours, but that is not relevant.
Depression does not have to be linked to the severity of someones problems. People who don't have any problems that are out of the ordinary, can still suffer from depression. And it is suffering.
If you really think that they might get mad, then maybe you should try and speak to someone else, like a friend's parents or doctor or teacher or pastor.

Wishing you the best.

Parent of a depression sufferer.

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Post by Timothy » Fri Nov 19, 2004 4:50 am

primitive wrote:I haven't told my parents how I feel because:

1. I don't think they would believe me because I'm always trying to act happy around them.

2. I think they would only say that its okay or something like that, which wouldn't comfort me in the least.

3. They might tell me that their problems are much more stressful than mine and get mad at me for being depressed.

Thoughts on this?
Ok. I can understand how you might think this.

You wanna know something? This is how depression operates. You tend to block off your options, all the time for what seem to be perfectly good reasons.

The important thing here is how you will act not how they’ll react. Do you see this?

No matter how they react, you can still feel better because you acted on your problem. This is one of those problems in life where it is important for you to act and take steps to resolve the problem.

Whether you decide it is your parents or not, I think it is important that you find a trusted adult that you can tell. With things of this nature, teenagers really need the advice of an older person for the simple fact that they have experience in getting past it. When you are lost it helps to have someone who knows the way. There are many adults around you who can help.

Don’t think about which ones you can’t tell.

Think about which one you will tell.
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Post by primitive » Fri Nov 19, 2004 11:56 pm

This is preparing you for the rest of your life....if you can make it through teen-age insanity, you've got life in the bag.
Teen-age insanity alright!
In a lot of cases depression is not rational.


Yea I've noticed that. A couple months ago, I knew I was depressed but I couldn't narrow the main reason down. Whenever anyone asked why I looked so sad, I couldn't tell them. Of course they would say, "You can tell me, its okay," and thats fine, but I couldn't tell them because I didn't know! Now I think I know. I don't want to go into a deep detailed talk about it, but I could get a bit more specific.

It has to do with my parents. They are having 'problems'. Now whenever I 'hear' them having 'conversations', it makes me feel like crap. Like a piece of sh*t. It makes me feel like I shouldn't even exist. Almost like I was a 'mistake'. Almost like they don't love me. I know they do, but it's not fun to feel that way even know you know the truth. It's like a person who hates rollercoasters. They know they are safe, but they feel like they are going to die! A couple other things bug me, so that adds and piles up, but the above, I think, is the main reason why I'm not feeling my best.
Last edited by primitive on Sat Dec 04, 2004 3:09 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by Episcopus » Sat Nov 20, 2004 6:16 pm

Go for it son! :D
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Post by Bert » Sat Nov 20, 2004 7:56 pm

Episcopus wrote:Go for it son! :D
It sure is good to have a father-like figure to look up to :wink:

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Post by Episcopus » Sun Nov 21, 2004 12:00 pm

haha Bert

I address many people 'son', male or female, to add strength to an imperative or exhortation usually.

Also no one should take advice from me about girls no father figure for I am shockingly bad! I'm really confident around all girls however, but 1 whom I like, we have nothing in common so it's really hard to be funny as she doesn't get my language which includes too many square roots, tan 45s, inverses and catalysts for her liking. ah well I am going for her tomorrow perendieve and shall succeed like as will primitive!

You can imagine as a person I'm not usually nervous, so it's an odd feeling for me. I don't like it! You are not alone primitive. I had raging conversations with nice girls I had never spoken to in my life before! And they didn't know any advanced mathematics either. I am going to have to start again and retain that episcopal charm which makes them want to stroke me.
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primitive
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Post by primitive » Tue Nov 23, 2004 9:06 pm

happiness level on scale from 0 - 10

- 10
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Post by Geoff » Tue Nov 23, 2004 9:30 pm

Is that negative 10?

primitive
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Post by primitive » Sun Nov 28, 2004 4:28 am

yea.

oh boy. my dad just 'left'. not good...not good
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