Ben-Hur Translation Page 11: Shipwrecking in the Aegean

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bedwere
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Ben-Hur Translation Page 11: Shipwrecking in the Aegean

Post by bedwere » Tue Jan 05, 2016 11:59 pm

I'm grateful for your help!

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All the pages translated so far

Terror reigns below deck as the mighty galley flounders! Screams of the trapped slaves rise above the anguished cries of wounded marines as Ben-Hur struggles to make his way to safety.

Dum magna navis volutatur, terror invadit eos qui sub ponte sunt! Nam Benhur ad salutem progredi conante, remiges constricti clamitant, classici vulnerati ejulant.

Τῆς μεγάλης νεὼς κυλινδουμένης, φόβος ἐμπίπτει τοῖς ὑπὸ τοῦ καταστρώματος. Τοῦ γὰρ Βενὼρ εἰς σωτηρίαν προιέναι πειρωμένου, οἱ μὲν ὑπηρέται δεδεμένοι κράζουσιν, οἱ δὲ ἐπιβάται τραυματισθέντες ὀδύρονται.

I have not a moment to spare! if I am not above deck before the vessel sinks, I will go with it to the bottom of the sea.

Οὔ μοι μελλητέον. Ἐὰν μὴ ἐπὶ τὸ κατάστρωμα πρὶν παραγένωμαι τὸ πλοῖον καταδῦναι, ἅμ' αὐτῷ ἐπικαταβήσομαι εἰς τὰ βαθέα τῆς θαλάσσης.

Hau cunctandum est! Nisi ad pontem accessero antequam navigium submergatur, una cum eo descendam in profundum maris.

Too late!

Jam sero!

Ἄλλ’ ἤδη ὕστερον.

Help! We shall drown like rats!

Adjuvate! Suffocabimur ut mures!

Βοηθεῖτε. Ἀποπνιγησόμεθα ὡς μύες.

Never! We have fought like Romans. So we shall die as Romans!

Minime! Nam ut Romani pugnavimus. Ergo ut Romani moriemur!

Οὐδαμῶς. Ὡς γὰρ Ῥωμαῖοι ἐμαχεσάμεθα. Ὡς οὖν Ῥωμαῖοι ἀποθανούμεθα.

Down went the Roman galley with its screaming slaves, its vanquished defenders, its master, the admiral, and Ben-Hur!

Ideo demersa est navis Romanorum una cum clamitantibus remigibus et victis custodibus et duce, præfectu classis, necnon Benhuri.

Κατέδυ ἄρα ἡ τῶν Ῥωμαίων ναῦς αὐτοῖς τοῖς ὑπηρέταις κράζουσιν καὶ τοῖς φύλαξιν νενικημένοις καὶ τῷ ἡγεμόνι, τῷ ναυάρχῳ, καὶ τῷ Βενώρ.

Fetch spears to hurl at anyone who swims. Death to all Romans!

Ferte hastas quas in quemquam qui natet coniciatis. Pereant omnes Romani!

Φέρετε ἔγχη ἀκοντίζειν ἐπὶ πάντα τιν’ ὃς ἄν νέῃ. Ἀπόλοιντο πάντες οἱ Ῥωμαῖοι.

By a miracle Ben-Hur floats slowly up through the open hatch as the galley sinks to the bottom of the Aegean Sea.

Bona fortuna Benhur lente per apertum ostium sursum natat, dum navis in profundum Maris Ægæi demergitur.

Ἀγαθῇ τύχῃ ὁ Βενὼρ βραδέως διὰ τὴν ἀνεῳγμένην θύραν ἀνανεῖ, τῆς νεὼς εἰς βάθη τοῦ Αἰγαίου πελάγους καταδυούσης.

As Ben-Hur gasps for breath, his eyes rove through the acrid smoke of battle for other survivors…

Dum Benhur anhelat, per acrem pugnæ fumum alios circumspectat superstites...

Ὁ ἀσθμαίνων Βενὼρ διὰ τοῦ ὀξέος τῆς μάχης καπνοῦ ἄλλους περιόντας πανταχοῦ ζητεῖ.

There’s a man! His strength is gone. I must reach him before he goes under!

Illic quidam adest! Discessit vis ejus. Opus est me ad eum pervenire antequam submergatur!

Ἐκεῖ πάρεστί τις. Ἀπηρρύηκεν ἡ δύναμις αὐτοῦ. Δεῖ με εἰς αὐτὸν ἀφίκεσθαι πρὶν καταδῦναι.

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Re: Ben-Hur Translation Page 11: Shipwrecking in the Aegean

Post by bedwere » Tue Jan 26, 2016 8:58 pm

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Re: Ben-Hur Translation Page 11: Shipwrecking in the Aegean

Post by mwh » Wed Jan 27, 2016 5:01 am

A few little suggestions, sticking close to your versions.

remiges quidem constricti clamitant, classici autem vulnerati ejulant.
Better w/o the particles.

Ὁ καιρὸς οὐχὶ μέλλειν.
ου καιρος μοι μελλειν? Or better ου μοι μελλητεον?

παραγενῶμαι –γένωμαι

εἰς τὸ πέλάγος εις τα βαθεα

Tempus non amittendum est rather English. Just (valde) festinandum (w/o est)? —or better hau cunctandum.

submergitur should be subjunctive

serius: better (iam) sero

υστερον: αλλ’ ηδη υστερον

et Benhuri: necnon B?

κατεδυ

αὐτοῖσι τοῖς τε: αυτοις (good), better w/o τε

τοῖς τε κράζουσιν ὑπηρέταις καὶ τοῖς νενικημένοις φύλαξιν
Pariticples better predicative, τοις υπηρ. κραζ. και τοις φυλ. νεν.

conjiciendas in omnem nantem.
quas in quemquam qui natet coniciatis?

εἰς πάντα νέοντα
επι παντα τιν’ ος αν νεῃ

Ἀπολέσθωσαν
απολοιντο

oculi ejus … circumspectant too literal. Just circumspectat.

οἱ ὀφθαλμοὶ αὐτοῦ … κατασκοποῦσι
τοις οφθαλμοις … πανταχου ζητει

περίοντας: περιόντας

Oportet: opus est

antequam submergitur: submergatur

Ἐκεῖ τις πάρεστιν
εκει παρεστι τις.

Ἀπελήλυθεν
e.g. απερρυηκεν

καταδῦσαι
καταδυναι

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Re: Ben-Hur Translation Page 11: Shipwrecking in the Aegean

Post by bedwere » Wed Jan 27, 2016 9:09 pm

Many thanks, Michael.

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