Ben-Hur Translation Page 4: Terrorist Attack on the Governor

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bedwere
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Ben-Hur Translation Page 4: Terrorist Attack on the Governor

Post by bedwere » Sun Oct 18, 2015 8:21 pm

Thanks for comments and/or corrections!


Page 4

Look! Our new Roman master is approaching. See how arrogant he looks.

En! Novus Romanus dominus noster appropinquat. Quam superbus videtur.

Ἰδού. Ὁ νέος Ῥωμαῖος κύριος ἡμῶν προσέρχεται. Ὡς ὑπερήφανος φαίνεται.

Hear how the people jeer at him from the roofs and windows! I think they are ready for revolt.

Audi quo modo turba ex tectis fenestrisque irrideat eum! Censeo autem eos paratos ad rebellandum.

Ἄκουσον πόσα ὁ ὄχλος ἀπὸ τῶν ὀροφῶν καὶ τῶν θυρίδων σκώπτει αὐτόν. Νομίζω δ' ὅτι ἑτοῖμοί εἰσιν ἐπανίστασθαι.

As the Roman governor passes directly below, a loose tile slips from under the weight of Ben-Hur’s hand…

Romano præside recta infra prætereunte, tegula laxa elabitur ex gravante manu Benhur.

Τοῦ Ῥωμαίου ἡγεμόνος κατ' εὐθὺ κάτω διερχομένου, κέραμός τις χαλαρὸς διεκπίπτει ἐκ τῆς βαρούσης χειρὸς τοῦ Βενώρ.

Watch out! Watch out! Below!

Cavete, cavete! Infra!

Φυλάξασθε, φυλάξασθε, κάτω.

Oh, what have you done, brother! If it should strike the governor ....

Heu, quid fecisti, frater! Si percutiat præsidem ....

Οἴμοι, τί πεποίηκας, ἄδελφε. Εἰ τύπτοι τὸν ἡγεμόνα ...

A tile thrown by one of the jeering Jews! It has killed the governor!

Tegula jacta a quodam irridentium Judæorum interfecit præsidem!

Κέραμος βληθεὶς ὑπό τινος τῶν σκωπτόντων Ἰουδαίων ἀπέκτεινε τὸν ἡγεμόνα.

Up there! I saw the assassin hurl the tile!

Sursum! Vidi percussorem tegulam jactantem!

Ἄνω. Ἑώρακα τὸν φονέα ἀκοντίζοντα τὸν κέραμον.

Smash down the door and search through the house. He must not escape!

Ostio confracto, perscrutamini domum. Oportet ne effugiat!

Κατάξαντες τὴν θύραν διαζητήσατε τὸν οἶκον. Δεῖ αὐτὸν μὴ ἐκφυγεῖν.

They saw you, brother! They’ll break in and turn the house into a shambles until they find you. Flee for your life.

Viderunt te, frater! Irrumpent igitur domum destructuri donec te inveniant. Fuge ad salutem.

Εἶδόν σε, ἄδελφε. Εἰσπεσοῦνται οὖν καθαιρεῖν τὸν οἶκον ἕως ἂν εὕρωσίν σε. Φύγε εἰς σωτηρίαν.

No, wait for me here. Our mother will be hurt. I can explain it was an accident if only can reach the governor.

Immo, hic me expecta. Ne mater vulneretur. Explanabo autem casu istud accidisse, si modo ad præsidem pervenero.

Οὐχί, ἀλλ' ἐνταῦθα προσδόκα με. Μὴ ἡ μήτηρ τρωθῇ. Διηγήσομαι δ' ὅτι ἐκ τύχης τοῦτ' ἐγένετο, ἐὰν μόνον εἰς τὸν ἡγεμόνα ἀφίκωμαι.



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calvinist
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Re: Ben-Hur Translation Page 4: Terrorist Attack on the Gove

Post by calvinist » Sun Oct 18, 2015 8:36 pm

I've only looked over the first few lines (Latin side), but I think it should be Vide quam superbus videatur since it's modifying an adjective. I'll look through the others later when I have more time. Hopefully Michael will give his input, I know he said he's not into the comic book thing, but he's very qualified for proof-reading these.

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Re: Ben-Hur Translation Page 4: Terrorist Attack on the Gove

Post by calvinist » Sun Oct 18, 2015 8:48 pm

I quickly scanned through the rest. The Opus est ne effugiat! seems awkward to me. I'm not sure opus est can be used with a subjunctive clause like that. I think utinam ne effugiat or simply ne effugiat communicates the same thing.

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Re: Ben-Hur Translation Page 4: Terrorist Attack on the Gove

Post by bedwere » Sun Oct 18, 2015 8:52 pm

I agree about the first comment and replaced quam. Opus est can be used with subjunctive, although I'm not married to it. Thanks!

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Re: Ben-Hur Translation Page 4: Terrorist Attack on the Gove

Post by calvinist » Sun Oct 18, 2015 9:17 pm

Now that I read through again I think the indicative should be used here: Dum Romanus præses recta infra prætereat since the connection is merely temporal. Actually, an ablative absolute with a present participle might be more idiomatic: Romano praeside recta infra praetereunte,... By the way, how do you type the ligatures (ae)?

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Re: Ben-Hur Translation Page 4: Terrorist Attack on the Gove

Post by bedwere » Sun Oct 18, 2015 9:40 pm

calvinist wrote:Now that I read through again I think the indicative should be used here: Dum Romanus præses recta infra prætereat since the connection is merely temporal. Actually, an ablative absolute with a present participle might be more idiomatic: Romano praeside recta infra praetereunte,... By the way, how do you type the ligatures (ae)?
You're right. I'll go with the ablative absolute. I'll use oportet instead of opus est.
As for the ligatatures, I use Linux so you'll have to translate it to your system. In the keyboard preferences, select layouts, options, Compose key position. Once you have a compose key, you can type

"compose key" a e = æ

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Re: Ben-Hur Translation Page 4: Terrorist Attack on the Gove

Post by mwh » Mon Oct 19, 2015 2:55 am

Oh I’m so easy.

Some good stuff here, but If I may venture a general criticism, I think you tend to translate too literally, sometimes at the cost of ready intelligibility. But anyway:
bedwere wrote: Look! Our new Roman master is approaching. See how arrogant he looks.
Ἰδού. Ὁ νέος Ῥωμαῖος κύριος ἡμῶν προσέρχεται. Ἴδε πῶς ὑπερέφανος φαίνεται.
πῶς grammatically correct but painful Greek. Better ὡς exclamatory, without ἴδε.
ὑπερήφανος
Hear how the people jeer at him from the roofs and windows! I think they are ready for revolt.
Audi quo modo turba ex tectis fenestrisque irrideat eum! Censeo autem eos paratos rebellere.
Ἄκουσον πῶς ὁ ὄχλος ἀπὸ τῶν ὀροφῶν τε καὶ τῶν θυρίδων σκώπτει αὐτόν. Νομίζω δ' ὅτι ἑτοῖμοί εἰσιν ἐπανίστασθαι.
rebellare or ad rebellandum
πόσα or oποσα more idiomatic.
Just και better than τε και.

Enough from me.

Michael

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Re: Ben-Hur Translation Page 4: Terrorist Attack on the Gove

Post by bedwere » Mon Oct 19, 2015 3:27 am

Thank you, sir! Maybe in two or three comic stories after this one my translations will improve! :D

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Re: Ben-Hur Translation Page 4: Terrorist Attack on the Gove

Post by bedwere » Sun Oct 25, 2015 11:54 pm

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