Rupi Kaur / Ρούπη Καῦρ

This board is a composition workshop, like a writers' workshop: post your work with questions about style or vocabulary, comment on other people's work, post composition challenges on some topic or form, or just dazzle us with your inventive use of galliambics.
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Joined: Thu Jun 27, 2019 5:08 pm

Rupi Kaur / Ρούπη Καῦρ

Post by Kierán » Thu Jun 27, 2019 5:29 pm

Χαῖρε, ὦ πάντες!

A few days ago, I was stuck on a multi hour plane ride with only an e-book of Rupi Kaur's "milk and honey". It didn't take long before the idea of translating a portion of it into Greek made more and more sense to me. So I did.
Now I'd like to know how the style or grammar of these small fragments can be improved. What do you like and what don't you like about them?

σὸν αἷμ’ ἐστὶν
ἐν ἐμοῖς φλέψιν
εἰπὲ δέ μοι ὅπως

it is your blood / in my veins / tell me how i'm / supposed to forget

τὸ σ’ ἐννοεῖν γέ
μοι διαλαμβάνει τὰ σκέλη
ὡς λίθος καὶ γλυπτὴρ
γλυπτὴν ποθοῦντες

the very thought of you / has my legs spread apart / like an easel with a canvas / begging for art

μ’ ἔθιγες
καίπερ μή
με θιγῶν

you've touched me / without even / touching me

πῶς ἄν θάνοιτο Ἔρως
εἰ ἐγγέγραπται
ἐν γραφαῖς ταῖσδε

how can our love die / if it's written / in these pages

ἡ ἐρημία σημαίνει σ’ ισχυρῶς χρεῖσθαι σοῦ

loneliness is a sign you are in desperate need of yourself

εἰ μὲν ἐφῦς
μαλακιζομένη πίπτουσα
ἐφῦς δὲ
κρατοῦσα ἀνισταμένη

if you were born with / the weakness to fall / you were born with / the strength to rise

τὴν σὴν

fall / in love / with your solitude

εἰ μὲν ἄχος ἦλθεν
εὐδαιμονία δ’ ἐλεύσεται
– καρτέρησον

if the hurt comes / so will the happiness / - be patient

ὅποσον φιλεῖς σεαυτὴν
τόσον τοῦς ἄλλους διδάσκεις
σε φιλεῖν

how you love yourself is / how you teach others / to love you

σ’ ἑκοῦσα διάγειν
τὸν λοιπὸν βίον
σὺν σεαυτῇ

you must / want to spend / the rest of your life / with yourself / first

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