petitor wrote:Sorry, no comments on your translation - I haven't learnt Greek (yet).
But, if you don't mind, here's my Latin version; comments are also welcome.
Alright, here goes:
Abhinc septem et quater viceni annos
While "fourscore and seven" was once perfectly normal English, and was probably fairly common in Abe Lincoln's time, it would be far better to translate it as abhinc octoginta septem annos
maiores nostri in hac continente pepererunt novam civitatem, quae in Libertate concepta dedicata est ei consilio quo omnes aequales creentur.
threw me for a loop, thinking it referred to something already mentioned - perhaps illi
. Perhaps crearentur
, although I think that either one might work here.
Nunc magno in bello civili commissi,
is a compound of mitto
, you need nunc magnum in bellum civile commissi
num illa vel ulla civitas sic concepta ac dedicata perdurare possit probamus.
Hmm... I'm not sure about this, but I think that an
might be better for vel
. If I'm wrong on that, though, then the whole phrase looks good. Of course, you could use ipsa
congressi enim in claro eius belli campo convenimus
I did a cursory search, and wasn't able to find campus
with or without belli
meaning "battlefield". I may have missed something, but just in case I didn't, I offer acies
ut, quod omnino decet nobis agendum, eis qui ad servandam civitatem suas vitas hic dediderunt partem huius campi sedem ultimam dedicemus.
- the accusative gerund is only used with prepositions.
Atqui, ad maiorem, quod ita iam fortes, et vivi et mortui, hoc loco luctati multo magis quam pauper addendi detractandive potestas nostra confecerunt
Is ad maiorem
idiomatic? I've never seen it, though I imagine that partem
Addendi detractandive potestas
sounds like a legal term, and I was surprised that Google didn't return any hits save this page. The ve
makes it sound like Lincoln's going off on a slight tangent - I would just use potestas
Also, I'm not sure about pauper
outside of a monetary sense. I'm not sure that it doesn't work, either, so I'll leave it.
ideo nec dedicare nec consecrare nec sanctificare hanc terram possumus.
quamquam vero mundus quid hic dicamus parum notabit, neque tenebit longe memoria, quid autem hic fecerint nequiet umquam oblivisci.
Sadly, Lincoln was wrong. I've read through American history a few times, but his speech is far more memorable that the battle that took place there, for someone who didn't live to experience it. But I digress...
I don't think there's any need to make quod autem hic fecerunt
into an indirect question - there is no question as to what happened, and everyone there knew about it.
nobis immo vivis est et rei infectae, quam adhuc pugnantes tanto animo protulerunt, et immani sic praeposito labori dedicari:
Good. A note, though - "immanis" can also mean "savage". Also, I'm not sure what purpose the sic
illam causam a caesis ornandis datam ultimumque in modum actam nobis aucta cum cura curandam;
I'll be completely honest here - I can't make it through this part.
constantiam nostram, ne frustra hi mortui, summa voluntate nobis confirmandam;
I would add a sint
, but it can be omitted as you have it. Do these accusatives depend on the clause that I couldn't read? If not, I would drop them.
huic civitati, sub Deo Annuenti, libertatem renatam futuram;
I have the same comments here on the accusatives as in the last phrase.
et quidem rem publicam populi factam populoque parandam atque utendam numquam a mundo perituram.
Hmmm... my comments on this one will depend somewhat on the breakdown of the one sentence that I could read.