She

This board is a composition workshop, like a writers' workshop: post your work with questions about style or vocabulary, comment on other people's work, post composition challenges on some topic or form, or just dazzle us with your inventive use of galliambics.
Callisper
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Re: She

Post by Callisper » Sat Feb 23, 2019 6:11 pm

mwh wrote:
Wed Feb 20, 2019 11:29 pm
Callisper, Sorry, I missed your post. Thanks for querying posset. possit would have been better, wouldn’t it? (That may be what I meant to write.)
I think it certainly would be better, but I would go for perfect potential subjunctive potuerit (since last time you castigated me for referring to Pinkster, maybe Woodcock will be less objectionable: see section 120) or (best IMO) just potuit (Woodcock section 125).
mwh wrote:
Wed Feb 20, 2019 11:29 pm
But I suppose we should really be in oratio obliqua for this bit, e.g. Illam fort. posse putabam. That conveniently dodges the question of both tense and mood :D (unless you’d prefer periphrastic future, rather cumbersome).
At any rate it's obvious that the structure of this Latin so far is not very Latinate.

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Re: She

Post by Callisper » Sat Feb 23, 2019 6:30 pm

bedwere wrote:
Wed Feb 20, 2019 10:05 pm
I like comic books. That's how I learned to read as a child. So they are, at least for me, a great pedagogical tool. When I was in high school,. I liked to translate from Italian to Latin. Now this exercise helps me remember the grammar and improve my knowledge of phraseology. I chose this book because it is in the public domain, has good graphics, and the story (so archetypal!) is very engaging.
I see. I do think (cf my reply to mwh above - I think a good example is "I could not help him. She might.") that there are parts where the structure of the English lends itself so poorly to retention in Latin that perhaps you take on a harder task, trying to conserve said structure, than you would have on your hands if you translated an English writer of fluid connected prose e.g. Samuel Johnson. For sure it would be easier to just allow yourself to use phrasing that would come more naturally in Latin. I highly recommend you go sentence-by-sentence and not be afraid to join clauses and sentences, or alter time-references, and generally add things in, which are absent from the English. (mwh's attempt w/ "putabam" was a start to doing this.)A lot of the time this will actually make things easier.
bedwere wrote:
Wed Feb 20, 2019 10:05 pm
I do recommend you read the real thing, the book, which has Greek composition (and Latin translation) within!
Thanks. The book's been on my reading list for a while now! As for the Greek composition etc in it, could you give me page references? Looks like you maybe tried to link me to particular pages of the book but Google won't give me a preview.

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bedwere
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Re: She

Post by bedwere » Sat Feb 23, 2019 7:00 pm

Callisper wrote:
Sat Feb 23, 2019 6:30 pm
bedwere wrote:
Wed Feb 20, 2019 10:05 pm
I do recommend you read the real thing, the book, which has Greek composition (and Latin translation) within!
Thanks. The book's been on my reading list for a while now! As for the Greek composition etc in it, could you give me page references? Looks like you maybe tried to link me to particular pages of the book but Google won't give me a preview.
I linked to pag. 33 and 42. Strange that it doesn't work for you, Cheers!

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Re: She

Post by bedwere » Mon Feb 25, 2019 10:03 pm

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It is Ustane whom Leo loves!

How dare you common woman!

She with the wisdom of two thousand years of life still suffered the pangs of jealousy…


Est Statia amasia Leonis!

Qui audes, o plebeia!

Illa autem, etsi per duo millia annorum sapientiam docta, adhuc zelotypiam patiebatur.

Ἔστι Στατὴ ἐρωμένη Λέοντος.

Πῶς δὴ τολμᾷς, ὦ δημοτικὴ σύ;

Ἐκείνη δέ, καίπερ διὰ δισχιλίων ἐτῶν σεσοφισμένη, ἔτι ἔπασχε ζηλοτυπίαν.

I have waited twenty centuries for Kallikrates to return from the land of the dead. Now he is mine!

You shall not have him!


Duo milia annorum expecto reditum Callicratis ex Orco. Jam vir meus est!

Non habebis eum!

Δισχίλια ἔτη ἀναμένω τὴν ἐπάνοδον Καλλικράτους ἐκ τοῦ ᾍδου. Ἤδη οὑμὸς ἀνήρ ἐστιν.

Οὐ μὴ ἕξεις αὐτόν.

Fool! I warned you!

She had the power of some mysterious force, Ustane fell as if hit by lightning.

Look at her hair!


O fatua, nonne jamdudum dicebam?

Illa quidem potentia arcana quadam utebatur, Statia autem stupefacta cecidit.

Respice in comam!

Ὦ μῶρε σύ, οὐκ ἔλεγον ἐγὼ πάλαι;

Ἐκείνη μὲν δυνάμει μυστικῇ τινι ἐχρᾶτο, Στατὴ δ' ἐμβροντηθεῖσα ἔπεσεν.

Βλέψον εἰς τὴν κόμην.

When Kallikrates awakens in the morning, he will have no memory of Ustane. The drug in the goblet will wipe the past from his mind. He will know and love only She who can give him the gift of life for ever!

Callicrates, cum mane experrectus erit, nihil Statiæ in memoria habebit. Nam medicamentum in poculo præterita ex animo ejus delebit. Itaque agnitam amabit Illam solam quæ ei donum vitæ æternæ dare potest.

Καλλικράτης, ὅταν πρωῒ ἐγερθῇ, οὐχ ἕξει οὐδεμίαν Στατῆς μνήμην. Τὸ γὰρ ἐν τῷ ποτηρίῳ φάρμακον ἐξαλείψει τὰ πρόσθεν ἐκ τοῦ νοῦ αὐτοῦ. Ὥστε ἀναγνὼν ἐρασθήσεται Ἐκείνης μόνης τῆς δυναμένης τὸ δῶρον ζωῆς αἰωνίου δοῦναι αὐτῷ.

Prepare to journey. We leave tonight for the mountain palace of Kor.

This evil queen is mad! I must pretend to play along with her and hope that in some way I can save Leo!

Iter para. Proficiscemur enim hac nocte ad regiam montanam Cori.

Insanit ista scelesta regina. At opus est me nugantem sperare quodammodo fore ut Leonem salvum facias.

Συσκευάζου τὴν πορείαν. Ἐξορμησόμεθα γὰρ ταύτῃ τῇ νυκτὶ πρὸς τὰ ἐν τῷ ὄρει βασίλεια Κόρου.

Μαίνεται μὲν αὕτη ἡ πονηρὰ βασίλισσα. Δεῖ δέ με φλυαροῦντα ἐλπίζειν πως σώσειν Λέοντα.

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Re: She

Post by bedwere » Mon Mar 04, 2019 8:28 pm

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The next morning, the mountain of Kor, the palace of She-who-must-be-obey, 30,000 feet of sheer rock! The home of the murderess of Kallikrates, She who had found the secret of life for ever!

Postridie mane, ecce mons Cori, regia Illius cui obœdire oportet, saxum in pedum triginta miliorum altitudinem abruptum, domusque homicidæ Callicratis, sive Illius quæ secretum vitæ æternæ invenerat.

Πρωῒ δὲ τῇ ὑστεραίᾳ, ἰδοὺ τὸ ὄρος Κόρου, βασίλεια Ἐκείνης ᾗ δεῖ πειθαρχεῖν, πέτρα εἰς ποδῶν τρισμυρίων ὕψος ἀπορρώξ, οἶκός τε τῆς φονευτρίας Καλλικράτους, ἤτοι Ἐκείνης τῆς εὑρηκυίας τὸ ἀπόρρητον ζωῆς αἰωνίου.

Prepare the royal chambers. I bring guests to Kor!

I was anxious for Leo. He seemed better, but remained in a deep sleep.


Præparate regiam. Mecum enim fero hospites in Corum.

Ego sollicitabar de Leone. Ipse autem etsi convalescere videbatur adhuc arte dormiebat.

Παρασκευάζετε τὰ βασίλεια. Φέρομαι γὰρ ξένους εἰς Κόρον.

Ἐγὼ μὲν ἐφρόντιζον περὶ Λέοντος. Αὐτὸς δὲ φαινόμενός γε ῥαΐζειν ἔτι βαθὺν ἐκοιμᾶτο.

Leo and I were separated. I didn’t like the idea.

Take him to the throne room.


Deinde ego et Leo disjuncti sumus, et hoc mihi displicuit.

Fer eum in aulam.

Ἔπειτα ἐγὼ καὶ Λέων διεχωρίσθημεν, καὶ ἀπήρεσε τοῦτό μοι.

Ἔνεγκε αὐτὸν εἰς τὴν αὐλήν.

She is very skillful with medicine. All her people were. Look at these mummies. They look more alive than living people.

Illa præstantissima est in medicina. Omnis populus ejus erat. Vide cadavera arte medicata, quæ videntur magis vivere quam homines viventes.

Ἐκείνη ἐστὶ κρατίστη ἐν ἰατρικῇ. Πᾶς λαὸς αὐτῆς ἦν. Ἴδε νεκροὺς τοὺς τεταριχευμένους, οἳ φαίνονται μᾶλλον ζῆν ἢ ἄνθρωποι ζῶντες.

I wish Leo to live. There are enough dead people in the world! I am going to the throne room!


Precor Leonem vivere. Sat enim cadavera sunt in mundo! Ideo ibo in aulam.

Εὔχομαι Λέοντα ζῆν. Ἱκανοὶ γὰρ νεκροί εἰσιν ἐπὶ τῆς γῆς. Διὸ εἶμι εἰς τὴν αὐλήν.

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Re: She

Post by bedwere » Mon Mar 11, 2019 5:02 pm

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To enter will mean death!

You forget she is a queen! If you really wish to keep an eye on your friend, come with me!


Si quis introierit morietur!

Oblivisceris Illam reginam esse. Si vero vis amicum tuum ante oculos habere, sequere me.

Ἐάν τις εἰσέλθῃ θανεῖται.

Ἐπιλανθάνει Ἐκείνης βασιλίσσης οὔσης. Εἰ δὴ βούλει φίλον σὸν ἐν ὀφθαλμοῖς ἔχειν, ἀκολούθει μετ' ἐμου.

A small chamber adjacent to the throne room.

See for yourself, but safely!

She had placed Leo on an altar!


Erat quidem cella subjecta aulæ.

Ipse specta, at tute.

Illa autem Leonem super aram posuerat.

Ἦν μὲν οἰκίσκος ἐπικείμενος τῇ αὐλῇ.

Αὐτὸς θεῶ, ἀκινδύνως δέ.

Ἐκείνη δ' ἐτεθήκη Λέοντα ἐπὶ βωμοῦ.

You will get well, my Kallikrates! I will dance the sacred rite of the gods of Kor! It will please the gods and they will make you well again.

Convalesces, o Callicratisce! Tripudiabo enim sacros ritus deorum Cori. Quod vero placabit deis, qui autem medebuntur tibi.

Ῥαΐσεις, ὦ Καλλικρατίδιον. Χορεύσω γὰρ τοὺς ἱεροὺς θεσμοὺς τῶν θεῶν Κόρου. Τοῦτο μὲν ἀρέσει τοῖς θεοῖς, οἱ δὲ ἰάσονταί σε.

Watch! She will perform an ancient Egyptian dance, invoking the blessings of the gods of Kor. if she dances well and the gods are pleased, then the gods will heal your friend and make him well again!

Specta! Illa, deis Cori in auxilium invocatis, tripudium antiquorum Ægyptiorum saltabit. Si Illa bene saltaverit et deis placaverit, dei amico tuo medebuntur.

Θεῶ. Ἐκείνη, ἐπικαλέσασα θεοὺς Κόρου εἰς βοήθειαν, χορεύσει χορὸν παλαιῶν Αἰγυπτίων. Ἐὰν Ἐκείνη εὖ χορεύσῃ καὶ θεοῖς ἀρέσῃ, θεοὶ ἰάσονται φίλον σόν.

Come! She danced well! The gods will be pleased. Let us now, with the queen’s permission enter the throne room.

Age, bene saltavit. Deis placaverit. Reginæ concessu, ingrediamur nunc aulam.

Ἄγε, εὖ ἐχόρευσε. Θεοῖς ἀρεσαι ἄν. Συγχωρούσης βασιλίσσης, εἰσέλθωμεν νῦν αὐλήν.
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Re: She

Post by bedwere » Tue Mar 19, 2019 5:57 pm

Image 37


The dance had ended. We were admitted.

Tunc, tripudio finito, admissi sumus.

Τότε μέν, τοῦ χόρου τέλος λαβόντος, εἰάθημεν εἰσελθεῖν.

Leo had recovered. But he was helpless against the queen.
The drugged potion She had given him and the supernatural spell of the magic cast by her dance for the gods of Kor, these things seemed to have affected Leo’s mind. His willpower was gone. Leo was a love-victim of the terrible She!


Leo autem quamvis convaluisset, inops erat coram regina. Medicamentum enim quod Illa dedit ei carmenque quod incantavit tripudians deis Cori, ipsa videbantur mentem Leonis infirmam reddidisse. Sic enim voluntas ejus evanuit, ut Leo amore Illius terribilis devictus sit.

Ὁ δὲ Λέων καίπερ πάλιν ῥαΐσας ἀμήχανος ἦν ἐναντίον τῆς βασιλίσσης. Τό τε γὰρ φάρμακον ὃ Ἐκείνη ἔδωκεν αὐτῷ καὶ ἡ ἐπῳδὴ ἣν ἐπῇσεν χορεύουσα τοῖς θεοῖς Κόρου, αὐτὰ ἐδόκει τὴν Λέοντος ψυχὴν ἀσθενῆ ποιῆσαι. Οὕτω γὰρ ἡ βούλησις αὐτοῦ ἠφανίσθη, ὥστε Λέων ἡσσήθη ἔρωτι Ἐκείνης τῆς δεινῆς.

He remembers nothing of the past.

I love you, my queen.


Non meminit præteritorum.

Te amo, o regina mea!

Οὐ μέμνηται τοῦ παρελθόντος χρόνου.

Σοῦ ἐρῶ, ὦ βασίλισσά μου.

What a twist of fate! She was the woman who had ruined Leo’s family, indirectly brought about the death of his father. Now Leo Vincey was like a slave to She!

My only wish is to spend my life with She.


Qualis fortuna! Illa enim erat quæ familiam Leonis perdiderat et quodammodo perfecerat ut pater ejus moriretur. Nunc autem Leo Vinciæus Illi inserviebat.

Tantummodo cupio vivere cum Illa.

Ὦ ποῖα τύχη. Ἐκείνη μὲν γὰρ ἦν ἡ ἀπολωλεκυῖα τὸν οἶκον Λέοντος καὶ ἄλλῃ γέ πῃ ἡ πεποιηκυῖα ὥστε τὸν πατέρα αὐτοῦ ἀποθανεῖν. Νῦν δὲ Λέων Οὐιγκιαῖος ἐδούλευεν Ἐκείνῃ.

Μόνον ἐπιθυμῶ ζῆν σὺν Ἐκείνῃ.

I will give you a life that lasts forever! You and I will bathe in the pillar of flame! The pillar of flame that gives life for ever.

To the pillar of flame! We leave within the hour!


Dabo tibi vitam æternam! Ego et tu lavabimur in columna ardenti! In columna ardenti quæ dat vitam æternam!

Ad columnam ardentem! Intra horam proficiscimur!

Δώσω σοι ζωὴν αἰώνιον. Ἐγὼ καὶ σὺ λουσόμεθα ἐν τῇ φλεγομένῃ κίονι. Ἐν τῇ φλεγομένῃ κίονι, τῇ ζωὴν αἰώνιον διδούσῃ.

Πρὸς τὴν φλεγομένην κίονα. Ἐντὸς τῆς ὥρας πορευόμεθα.

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