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My first Elegaic Couplet

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My first Elegaic Couplet

Postby GlottalGreekGeek » Tue Jul 19, 2005 10:33 pm

[face=SPIonic]gh=j d / a0palh=j propa/roiqe pro\ d / ou0rano/qen poliou= te/
dendrw=n me\n korufa\j mikrh\ e)ou=sa q / o(rw=
[/face]


It took several days to compose this. Even now I wonder if there is a metrical problem in the last hemiepe. I know hiatus is not allowed, but I am relying on the rule in Pharr 1173 to make it scan. Since I am trying to imitate an earlier rather than later poet, is this allowed?

I also composed a version of this poem in English (needless to say, it was much easier).

The sky before, the earth behind,
So small, I stare into the clouds
Where at the edge tree-tops gather round.
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Re: My first Elegaic Couplet

Postby annis » Thu Jul 21, 2005 2:55 am

GlottalGreekGeek wrote:It took several days to compose this.


Congratulations! :) It gets a little easier after each couplet.

Even now I wonder if there is a metrical problem in the last hemiepe. I know hiatus is not allowed, but I am relying on the rule in Pharr 1173 to make it scan. Since I am trying to imitate an earlier rather than later poet, is this allowed?


Whenever you write elegiacs, you're allowed to use correption (as that's called).

Now for the inevitable questions:

What is the sense you are aiming for with the [face=spionic]de/ ... te ...[/face] paring in the first line?

And what's [face=spionic]me/n[/face] up to in the pentameter?

You are using a lot of coordination particles in this poem. I think you might be able to work some variations using more participles (standing, remaining, etc.) for a less rushing sense to this calm poem.
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τίς πατέρ' αἰνήσει εἰ μὴ κακοδαίμονες υἱοί;
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Postby GlottalGreekGeek » Thu Jul 21, 2005 5:08 pm

An important element of this poem is how screwed up the sense of direction is : Up is forward, down is backward, and left and right are chasing each other in circles, and, oh my lord, did I mention that I can see the entire universe this way? It's not supposed to be a calm poem. I'll be frank, the TE at the end of the first line was mostly to make meter, but I do like how it acts as "and the gray sky is in front of me too." As I've noticed in my other attempts to write poetry, form sometimes points the way to meaning. As to reversing the traditional order of MEN ... DE, it's another element of vertigo, and I planned it that way before I figured out how it would go into the meter.

This is, in fact, based on a real experience. I had been running at the track (which meant my energy was up) and then when I finished I took the shortcut out of the stadium by walking up a mildly sloped grassy area out. I diidn't feel like walking all the way up just yet, so I lay down on the grass for a moment. I do not remember which feeling came first, but there was a) the fact that I could see all the trees, light posts, arches, and other tall things which formed an oval aroud the track from all four sides - I am only used to seeing them on three sides b) It seemed like the sky was in front of me, the earth was a wall behind me, and gravity was pulling me to the bottom of the grassy slope. These feelings, and the fact that I still had my running endorphins, added up to "Wow, I'm psychic".
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Elegiac Meter

Postby Ianus » Sun Oct 16, 2005 7:58 am

Two things:

1. Wow, great work! I hope someday, I'll be able to write stuff like that (like Martial, one of my heroes!)

Which brings me to 2> What kind of meter is used here- it seems kinda formless to me.

PS: Sorry for turning your poetry into *lesson*

:D :D :D
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Re: My first Elegaic Couplet

Postby Ludo » Fri Oct 28, 2005 10:52 pm

GlottalGreekGeek wrote:[face=SPIonic]gh=j d / a0palh=j propa/roiqe pro\ d / ou0rano/qen poliou= te/
dendrw=n me\n korufa\j mikrh\ e)ou=sa q / o(rw=
[/face]



I think I'm having a problem viewing the poem. :( Do I need a special font perhaps? It comes out looking like the quote above.

Thanks and good luck with your poetry! :)

Ludo ^_^
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Re: Elegiac Meter

Postby benissimus » Sat Oct 29, 2005 1:59 am

Ianus wrote:Two things:

1. Wow, great work! I hope someday, I'll be able to write stuff like that (like Martial, one of my heroes!)

Which brings me to 2> What kind of meter is used here- it seems kinda formless to me.

PS: Sorry for turning your poetry into *lesson*

:D :D :D

As the title implies, the metre is that of an elegiac couplet: the first line is six dactyls and the second line is divided into two cola composed of 2½ dactyls each (pentameter).

Ludo wrote:I think I'm having a problem viewing the poem. Do I need a special font perhaps? It comes out looking like the quote above.

Thanks and good luck with your poetry!
Ludo ^_^

The poem is in Greek; visit this post in the Greek board to get it.
flebile nescio quid queritur lyra, flebile lingua murmurat exanimis, respondent flebile ripae
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