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Neophyte composition questions

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Neophyte composition questions

Postby Butyrum » Thu May 31, 2012 4:44 pm

For a bit of fun between my normal composition exercises, I've been working on translating some modern short pop-culture texts into Latin. I've never had any feedback on my composition other than from my uni prof, so I was hoping I could post a sample here, and see whether I actually have any idea what I'm doing.

Here I've translated the intro from the original series of Star Trek. (Eng.: "Space: The Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: To explore strange, new worlds; to seek out new life and new civilizations; to boldly go where no man has gone before!") Some specific questions follow:

ITER INTER ASTRA

Spatium Exterius: Ultimus Līmes.

Hī sunt cursūs nāvis spatium exterius obeuntis Enterprise. Cui est quīnque annōs cōnsilium, videlicet: Investīgandī sunt nōvī mundī aliēnī; quaerendī, nōvī vīventēs et nōvae cīvitātēs; atque intrandum, quō īverit umquam nēmō!

Questions:

* Am I correct in thinking that the future passive particles convey a purposive sense better than the bare infinitives would?
* The word videlicet is something I picked up from observation. Is it correct to use it essentially to mean "to wit"? Does it function like a copula, in that the elements on each side need to be in the same case?
* Is it understandable that intrandum is to be taken as modifying the entire indirect question introduced by quō?
* Straying away from classicality for a bit, what exactly is the most polite way to handle modern proper nouns like Enterprise? Just leave them uninflected?

I appreciate any help.
Butyrum
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Re: Neophyte composition questions

Postby adrianus » Sun Jun 03, 2012 5:31 am

Am I correct in thinking that the future passive particles convey a purposive sense better than the bare infinitives would? I imagine they mostly do. // Verum est, ut imaginor.
* The word videlicet is something I picked up from observation. Is it correct to use it essentially to mean "to wit"? Does it function like a copula, in that the elements on each side need to be in the same case? Yes, alongside nempe and scilicet // unâ cum nempe et scilicet, anglicè "to wit" vertitur
* Is it understandable that intrandum is to be taken as modifying the entire indirect question introduced by quō? I really don't know about that but I don't see why not. Maybe "Ibi intrandum quo..." // De hâc re, incertus sum. Eodem tempore, ignoro cur sic non sit.
* Straying away from classicality for a bit, what exactly is the most polite way to handle modern proper nouns like Enterprise? Just leave them uninflected? Uninflected for proper modern names and brands. // Indeclinabilia anglicè nomina propria nova et indeclinabiles notae societatum fabricatoriarum.

Et hoc?
Spatium: Finitio Finalis
Hae sunt expeditiones navis sideralis Enterprise,—per missionem eius quinquennem mundorum novorum et alienorum investigandorum, novorum animantium cultuumque quaerendorum, confidenter prodeundi quo negant praecessisse quemquam.
I'm writing in Latin hoping for correction, and not because I'm confident in how I express myself. Latinè scribo ut ab omnibus corrigar, non quod confidenter me exprimam.
adrianus
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Re: Neophyte composition questions

Postby Butyrum » Mon Jun 04, 2012 9:23 pm

Thank you! Sīderālis is a good suggestion; I see it has one Plinian attestation in Lewis and Short, so I guess it's fair game. I'm less certain about missio in this context (though I may be being too conservative): all the senses in L&S seem to hover around the original gist of "a sending out" or "a release," instead of the modern sense of a task that's the aim of such a sending. Cōnsilium works, but fīnis may be better. Your overall structure of putting everything in the genitive seems to make the whole thing cohere better than mine too.
Butyrum
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Re: Neophyte composition questions

Postby adrianus » Tue Jun 05, 2012 3:03 am

Butyrum wrote:I'm less certain about missio in this context (though I may be being too conservative): all the senses in L&S seem to hover around the original gist of "a sending out" or "a release," instead of the modern sense of a task that's the aim of such a sending.

But English has changed in this regard to. Originally "your mission" did mean
"your dispatch" in English. "Your dispatch is for the purpose of [per gerundivum]..." fits all.
Aptum, ut mihi videtur, cuicunque sensui. Et anglicè sensus missionis mutatus est.
I'm writing in Latin hoping for correction, and not because I'm confident in how I express myself. Latinè scribo ut ab omnibus corrigar, non quod confidenter me exprimam.
adrianus
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