petitor wrote:Sorry, no comments on your translation - I haven't learnt Greek (yet).
But, if you don't mind, here's my Latin version; comments are also welcome.
Alright, here goes:
Abhinc septem et quater viceni annos
While "fourscore and seven" was once perfectly normal English, and was probably fairly common in Abe Lincoln's time, it would be far better to translate it as
abhinc octoginta septem annos.
maiores nostri in hac continente pepererunt novam civitatem, quae in Libertate concepta dedicata est ei consilio quo omnes aequales creentur.
The
ei threw me for a loop, thinking it referred to something already mentioned - perhaps
illi. Perhaps
crearentur for
creentur, although I think that either one might work here.
Nunc magno in bello civili commissi,
Since
committo is a compound of
mitto, you need
nunc magnum in bellum civile commissi.
num illa vel ulla civitas sic concepta ac dedicata perdurare possit probamus.
Hmm... I'm not sure about this, but I think that
an might be better for
vel. If I'm wrong on that, though, then the whole phrase looks good. Of course, you could use
ipsa for
illa.
congressi enim in claro eius belli campo convenimus
I did a cursory search, and wasn't able to find
campus with or without
belli meaning "battlefield". I may have missed something, but just in case I didn't, I offer
acies (ablative
acie.
ut, quod omnino decet nobis agendum, eis qui ad servandam civitatem suas vitas hic dediderunt partem huius campi sedem ultimam dedicemus.
agere or
facere for
agendum - the accusative gerund is only used with prepositions.
Atqui, ad maiorem, quod ita iam fortes, et vivi et mortui, hoc loco luctati multo magis quam pauper addendi detractandive potestas nostra confecerunt
Is
ad maiorem idiomatic? I've never seen it, though I imagine that
partem is implied.
Addendi detractandive potestas sounds like a legal term, and I was surprised that Google didn't return any hits save this page. The
ve makes it sound like Lincoln's going off on a slight tangent - I would just use
potestas.
Also, I'm not sure about
pauper outside of a monetary sense. I'm not sure that it doesn't work, either, so I'll leave it.
ideo nec dedicare nec consecrare nec sanctificare hanc terram possumus.
Good.
quamquam vero mundus quid hic dicamus parum notabit, neque tenebit longe memoria, quid autem hic fecerint nequiet umquam oblivisci.
Sadly, Lincoln was wrong. I've read through American history a few times, but his speech is far more memorable that the battle that took place there, for someone who didn't live to experience it. But I digress...
I don't think there's any need to make
quod autem hic fecerunt into an indirect question - there is no question as to what happened, and everyone there knew about it.
nobis immo vivis est et rei infectae, quam adhuc pugnantes tanto animo protulerunt, et immani sic praeposito labori dedicari:
Good. A note, though - "immanis" can also mean "savage". Also, I'm not sure what purpose the
sic serves here.
illam causam a caesis ornandis datam ultimumque in modum actam nobis aucta cum cura curandam;
I'll be completely honest here - I can't make it through this part.
constantiam nostram, ne frustra hi mortui, summa voluntate nobis confirmandam;
I would add a
sint after
mortui, but it can be omitted as you have it. Do these accusatives depend on the clause that I couldn't read? If not, I would drop them.
huic civitati, sub Deo Annuenti, libertatem renatam futuram;
I have the same comments here on the accusatives as in the last phrase.
et quidem rem publicam populi factam populoque parandam atque utendam numquam a mundo perituram.
Hmmm... my comments on this one will depend somewhat on the breakdown of the one sentence that I could read.