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Chaou, metaphorically, of course.

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Chaou, metaphorically, of course.

Postby Deudeditus » Fri Mar 17, 2006 4:24 pm

here's another attempt to write as much latin as I could without translating it from english. I'm not sure exactly how elegant or, indeed, how intellegible it be. Any help, comments, criticism, etc. would be greatly appreciated.


urbs igne et lentitudinis et suicontemptus turpissimi deflagrat ad quam aspicio. senatores a turba effugiunt quae, diuitas gloriam atque uitam ab illis accipiens, magna cum ira palpitat, a turba quae capillos euellunt et ficus leuat, a turba cuius oculi in capitibus suis reuoluunt sicut animalia rabida. uidetur urbs ipsa senatores suos, illos sanos, sanitatem uere ipsam, exincendere.
ubi senatores ibunt? lupi Chaou eos opperiuntur, deuoraturi. ne senatores meos servare possit nihil, metuo, cum mei senatores totis cum animis bellent ut in mea urbe maneant, autem, Tyranno ducente, turba atrocius bellabunt.
cum uerto ab speculum oro ut senatus superset, deinde Luciferum mane aduerto.

...about 'Chaou', I wasn't sure how to write it in spionic, nor was I sure if, this being a latin text, it would be appropriate if written in Greek characters... I would have simply used the latin genitive of Chaos, but I also read that it is only found in the nominative case, so, rather than make such a mistake, i 'Greekily' declined it

... I have a couple other questions, but, I'll wait to see if anyone points them out.
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Postby whiteoctave » Tue Mar 28, 2006 8:58 am

nice. diuitas strikes me as odd. atque is not to be used before a consonant save in clausulae. turba often takes 3rd pl. verbs - like euellunt - but an alternation between sg. and pl. should be avoided. it seems a bold move to coin the verb exincendo. maybe replace ibunt with delib. subj.? the genitive of chaos is indeed not attested in Classical Latin; if you wanted to transliterate the Greek form, the result in Latin would be Chaeus (of all things); if you want to follow Latin analogy, you should write Chai. autem would serve better if placed slightly later. superset is a typo. aduerto so used is rather poetic.
all in all, very nice.

~D
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Postby Deudeditus » Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:34 pm

diuitas= typo of diuitias. meaning wealth, maybe it should be sg.?

maybe replace ibunt with delib. subj.? - what, pray tell, is the delib. subj. alas my book has not the 'delib. subj.' introduced.

turba often takes 3rd pl. verbs - like euellunt - but an alternation between sg. and pl. should be avoided. I think I mistakenly gave euellunt to the senators in my mind.

ficus levare is a phrase I actually got from Dante's Inferno. Is it appropriate to use it here?

Chaeus as in aureus- lupi Chaei?

urbs igne et lentitudinis et suicontemptus turpissimi deflagrat ad quam aspicio. senatores a turba effugiunt quae, diuitas gloriam ac uitam ab illis accipiens, magna cum ira palpitat, a turba quae capillos euellit et ficus leuat, a turba cuius oculi in capitibus suis reuoluunt sicut animalia rabida. uidetur urbs ipsa senatores suos, illos sanos, sanitatem uere ipsam, exincendere.
ubi senatores ibunt? lupi Chai eos opperiuntur, deuoraturi. ne senatores meos servare possit nihil, metuo, cum mei senatores totis cum animis bellent ut in mea urbe maneant, Tyranno autem ducente turba atrocius bellabit.
cum uerto ab speculum oro ut senatus superet, deinde Luciferum mane aduerto.


actually, I was concerned about the last sentence of the second paragraph. 'ne senatores... atrocius bellabit'. more or less translated: I fear that nothing can save my senators, though they will fight with all their spirits that they will remain in my city, with the Tyrant leading them, however, the mob will fight savagely. Hope it turned out ok, tho.


thanks for the comments and help

Jon
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