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Help with poetry

This board is a composition workshop, like a writers' workshop: post your work with questions about style or vocabulary, comment on other people's work, post composition challenges on some topic or form, or just dazzle us with your inventive use of galliambics.

Help with poetry

Postby nathan92 » Sat Sep 11, 2010 4:09 pm

Hello :) I wrote a haiku in Latin for my girlfriend, and would really appreciate it if someone could have a look at it and tell me if there are any improvements or corrections I could make. Thanks !

I wanted to say

I am forever yours
and you make me complete
my light, I love you

and I translated it as

semper tuus ero
et me perfectum facis
lucem meus, amo

Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks again :)
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