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Sidgwick's Introduction to Greek Prose Composition I

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Sidgwick's Introduction to Greek Prose Composition I

Postby jeidsath » Sun Feb 28, 2016 6:51 am

I. οἱ Βορμέανοι

ὁ βασιλεὺς τοῦ Βορμεάνου εὑρών τὸν μὲν φόρον κατ’ ἔτος γιγνόμενον ἥττον ὅν τὸ πλῆθος ἀποδιδῶσι αὐτὸν, ἐκεῖνο δὲ αὐξανόμενον, μέλλει τοὺς ἐνοικοῦντας ἀριθμεῖν ἵνα δηλοῖ τοὺς αὐτὸν ἐξαπατῶντας καὶ τιμᾷ τούτους. ὁ δὲ ἐσκοπεῖ, ἐὰν κελεύῃ τοὺς ἄρχοντας ἀριθμεῖν τοὺς ἑκάστου πόλεως, ἀγγελεῖν ἀριθμὸν ἥττονα τοῦ ὄντος, ὅπως λανθάνῃ τοὺς κλέπτοντας αὐτῶν. οὕτω βουλεύεται ὅ τι χρή, καὶ τέλος εἶπεν τὸν θεόν ὄναρ εἰπεῖν ὅτι νόσος μεγάλη πρὸς τὴν νῆσον ἐλεύσοιτο, ὁ δὲ φιλοίη τοὺς Βορμεάνους, καὶ δείξοι πως τὸ κακὸν ἀποτρεπεῖν, ὡς δέον ποίειν ξίφος σιδηρὸν μέγα, καὶ ἄνθρωπον ἕκαστον δέοντα μίαν βελόνην ἱέναι, ταύτας δὲ συλλεγούσας, δεούσας έν τῷ πυρὶ συντήκειν. ὁ δὲ μὴ τὴν βελόνην ἥσοι, τούτον τὴν νόσον ἀποκτενοῦντα. πάντες οὖν οἱ Βορμέανοι βελόνας ἧκαν, δεδοικότες μὴ ὀργῇ θεοῦ καταπλήσσωνται. οὕτως μὲν ἔφυγον μὴ ἀποθνῃσκειν, μᾶλλον δὲ φόρον πρὸς τὸν βασιλέα χρὴ ἀποδιδόναι, διότι εὖρέν τὸ ἀριθμὸν τοῦ ἐν ἑκάστῳ πόλει εἶναι .
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Re: Sidgwick's Introduction to Greek Prose Composition I

Postby jeidsath » Sun Feb 28, 2016 3:01 pm

Textbook: http://www.textkit.com/learn/ID/166/author_id/66/
Introduction To Greek Prose Composition, Arthur Sidgwick

Key: http://www.textkit.com/learn/ID/161/author_id/66/
Greek Prose Composition Key, Arthur Sidgwick
Joel Eidsath -- jeidsath@gmail.com

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Re: Sidgwick's Introduction to Greek Prose Composition I

Postby Hylander » Mon Feb 29, 2016 2:26 pm

Without purporting to correct everything, a few points to note:

πολισ is feminine

τιμαω -- "honor," which doesn't seem appropriate here. τιμαζω -- "fine"; κολαζω -- "punish".

εκεινο in line 1 is strange. Better repeat το πληθοσ, otherwise τουτο.

ἀποδιδῶσι αὐτὸν -- should be αποδιδοασι αυτωι

τελοσ ειπε, not ειπεν

δηλοῖ τοὺς αὐτὸν ἐξαπατῶντας καὶ τιμᾷ τούτους -- better τοὺς εαυτὸν ἐξαπατῶντας δηλωσας κολαζηι. μελλει is present tense, so this is primary sequence.

ὁ δὲ φιλοίη τοὺς Βορμεάνους, καὶ δείξοι . . . -- this is a continuation of what he said, not a subordinate clause in indirect discourse, so it should be acc. (or nom. where subj. is same as subj. of main clause) + inf. construction: αυτος δε φιλειν τουσ Β. και δειξειν . . . or αυτος ατε φιλων τουσ Β. δειξειν.

The verbs that follow which are part of what the king said should also be infinitive: δειν ποίειν ξίφος σιδηρεον μέγα, καὶ ἄνδρα ἕκαστον μίαν βελόνην πεμψαι (inf.), ταύτας δὲ συλλεγεισας [or συνειλεγμενασ -- passive!] έν πυρὶ συντήξαι. οστισ δὲ μὴ τὴν βελόνην πεμψαι (opt.), τουτον τηι νοσωι αποθανεισθαι (in direct speech: οστισ αν μη πεμψηι αποθανειται) κτλ.

I think κτεινω usually requires a conscious agent, but LSJ cites Thycydides 2.51 for the plague. Still, better to use τηι νοσωι αποθανεισθαι here.

That's all I have time for right now. Maybe someone else could contribute to this.

Edit: Not sure it's the king who loves the B.--more likely the king is saying that the god loves the B. :

αυτον δε ατε φιλουντα τουσ Β. δειξειν

οὕτω βουλεύεται ὅ τι χρή, καὶ τέλος εἶπεν -- the switch from pres. to aorist in the same sentence seems odd. Perhaps ουτω βουλευσαμενος ο τι χρειη τελος ειπε

ὁ δὲ ἐσκοπεῖ, ἐὰν κελεύῃ τοὺς ἄρχοντας ἀριθμεῖν τοὺς ἑκάστου πόλεως

εσκοπει should be paroxytone (from εσκοπεε). Better εννοει. σκοπεω is "to look into a matter"; εννοεω is "to take into consideration".

ἐὰν κελεύῃ -- in secondary sequence would be ει κελευοι, but primary is ok even after a "secondary" main verb. However, you should probably try to be consistent with indirect speech constructions.

ὅπως λανθάνῃ τοὺς κλέπτοντας αὐτῶν -- should be οπως κλεπτοντες λαθοιεν or λανθανοιεν. "Supplementary" participle with λανθανω.
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Re: Sidgwick's Introduction to Greek Prose Composition I

Postby mwh » Tue Mar 01, 2016 12:38 am

Corrections, comments, in square brackets. Trivial accentual errors ignored.

ὁ βασιλεὺς τοῦ Βορμεάνου[why sing?] εὑρών τὸν μὲν φόρον κατ’ ἔτος γιγνόμενον ἥττον [ηττονα] ὅν τὸ πλῆθος ἀποδιδῶσι αὐτὸν[-τῷ] [This rel.clause better after φορον], ἐκεῖνο δὲ [τὸ δὲ πλῆθος (αὐτὸ)] αὐξανόμενον,

μέλλει[βουλευει/εβουλευσε] τοὺς ἐνοικοῦντας ἀριθμεῖν ἵνα δηλοῖ[what/who is subject?] τοὺς αὐτὸν ἐξαπατῶντας καὶ τιμᾷ[[?τιμωρηται] τούτους[better αυτους]. See Hylander, but I take it your verbs are subjunctive, wh is ok. (Opt. wd be ok too, after historic pres.)

ὁ δὲ ἐσκοπεῖ [ἐσκόπει δέ, w/o ὁ, wh wd change subject], ἐὰν κελεύῃ τοὺς ἄρχοντας ἀριθμεῖν τοὺς ἑκάστου[-ης] πόλεως, [add αυτους here, to provide αγγελειν w/ a subject; but acc&inf gives awkward syntax after εσκόπει, not a good vb anyway, see Hyl.] ἀγγελεῖν ἀριθμὸν ἥττονα τοῦ ὄντος, ὅπως λανθάνῃ τοὺς κλέπτοντας αὐτῶν [οπως λανθανωσι κλεπτοντες: NB the construction].

οὕτω [ουν better, after βουλ.] βουλεύεται ὅ τι χρή [βουλευεται best subordinated, βουλευσαμενος, del. και], καὶ τέλος εἶπεν τὸν θεόν ὄναρ εἰπεῖν [awkward repetitn of vb] ὅτι νόσος μεγάλη πρὸς τὴν νῆσον ἐλεύσοιτο,
From this point on, everything the king reports as the god’s message shd shift into acc.&inf.

ὁ δὲ φιλοίη [φιλεῖν δὲ: switch to acc&inf called for here, see Hylander, and del. ὁ, as above] τοὺς Βορμεάνους, καὶ δείξοι [δειξειν] πως [πῶς, or ὅπως] τὸ κακὸν ἀποτρεπεῖν [finite vb needed in ind.q., e.g. αποτρεπωσιν], ὡς δέον [awkw constructn, better δεῖν after colon, del.ὡς] ποίειν ξίφος σιδηρὸν[-οῦν, adj not noun] μέγα,

καὶ ἄνθρωπον ἕκαστον δέοντα [δειν, δέοντα ungrammatical, it's a impersonal verb; likewise δέουσας below] μίαν βελόνην ἱέναι [πέμπειν, better aor.],

ταύτας δὲ συλλεγούσας [συλλεχθείσας or συλλεγείσας, aor.pass.], δεούσας[cancel, δειν can be understood from above] έν τῷ πυρὶ συντήκειν [shd be passive].

ὁ δὲ μὴ τὴν βελόνην ἥσοι [πεμψειεν], τούτον [good!, but τοῦτον] τὴν νόσον ἀποκτενοῦντα [why masc. pple?; shd be -κτενεῖν inf., it’s still what he said; and see Hylander]
ὁ δὲ wd mean “But he”, you need ὃς or ὅστις

πάντες οὖν οἱ Βορμέανοι βελόνας ἧκαν [επεμψαν], δεδοικότες [δεδιότες more usual form] μὴ ὀργῇ θεοῦ [του θ.] καταπλήσσωνται [or opt.; aor. better]

οὕτως μὲν ἔφυγον μὴ ἀποθνῃσκειν, μᾶλλον [πλείω/ονα, μαλλον is “rather,” adv. not adj.—another one for daivid] δὲ φόρον πρὸς τὸν βασιλέα χρὴ ἀποδιδόναι,
Asyndeton OK.
μὲν has to follow εφυγον—important!
ἀποθνῃσκειν better aor. Throughout the piece you tend to use pres. where aor. wd be more apt. Think of aor. as the default tense in non-indic. moods.
χρή: ἔχρη. But it’s too weak.

διότι εὖρέν τὸ ἀριθμὸν τοῦ ἐν ἑκάστῳ πόλει εἶναι .
No construction here. διότι ηὖρεν τὸν ἀριθμὸν τῶν ἐν ἑκάστῃ πόλει (del. ειναι) wd fix it. (But better a "how many" clause.)

Pretty good syntax and forms for the most part, despite slips. The main miss was the acc.&inf. throughout the middle section. You might try more optatives where appropriate, and make more use of aorist in non-indicative moods: remember aspect, use present only where it’s meaningful.

Here’s a version I did. Now comparing it with Sidgwick’s I see it’s a bit more stylish than his, less Herodotean. Not better, of course, just slightly less plain and "strung out."
τῷ τῶν Βορμεανῶν βασιλεῖ, αἰσθομένῳ τοὺς μὲν φόρους τοὺς τελουμένους κατ’ἐνιαυτὸν ἐλαττουμένους τὸ δὲ πλῆθος τῶν ὑποτελῶν ἀεὶ αὐξανόμενον, ἔδοξεν ἀριθμὸν ποιήσασθαι τῶν ἀνθρώπων ὅπως τοὺς κλέπτοντας ἐφευρὼν κολάσειεν. ἐνεθυμήθη δὲ μὴ εἰ τοὺς ἄρχοντας κελεύσειεν ἀριθμῆσαι τοὺς ἑκάστην πόλιν ἐνoικοῦντας, τὸν ἀριθμὸν τάχ’ἂν ἀπαγγείλειαν ἐλάττω τοῦ ὄντος, ἵνα λάθοιεν καὶ αὐτοὶ κλέπτοντες. καλῶς οὖν σκεψάμενος ὅ τι δέοι ποιῆσαι, ἀνεῖπεν ὡς ὄναρ παρὰ τοῦ θεοῦ πεπυσμένος εἴη μέγαν λοιμὸν ἐπὶ τὴν νῆσον ἤδη ἐπιόντα· τὸν δὲ θεὸν τοὺς Βορμεανοὺς εὐμενῶς ἔχοντα ἐθέλειν ἀποφῆναι ὅτῳ τρόπῳ τὸ κακὸν ἀποτρέψειαν· χρῆναι δὴ ξίφος ποιηθῆναι μέγα καὶ σιδηροῦν, καὶ ἐπ’αὐτὸ πέμψαι ἄνδρ’ ἕκαστον μίαν βελόνην, ὥστε τὰς πάσας συλλεγείσας καταχωνευθῆναι· ὅστις δὲ μὴ πέμψειεν, ἐκεῖνον ἐκ τοῦ λοιμοῦ ἀποθανεῖσθαι. ἅπαντες οὖν τῶν Βορμεανῶν, πάνυ φοβούμενοι μὴ τοῦ θεοῦ ὀργισθέντος πάθοιέν τι, βελόνας τῷ βασιλεῖ ἔπεμψαν. ὥστε ἐξέφυγον μὲν μὴ ἀποθανεῖν γε, ἔπειτα δὲ τὸν φόρον φέρειν ἠναγκάζοντο πλείω, τοῦ βασιλέως εὑρόντος ὅποσοι ἐν ἑκάστῃ πόλει ἔνεισιν.
Corrections, comments welcomed.
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Re: Sidgwick's Introduction to Greek Prose Composition I

Postby jeidsath » Wed Mar 02, 2016 5:19 pm

Thank you for all of the comments! I'm not going to do a full rewrite, because I think that reading Sidgwick's and mwh's versions are better (and Sidgwick suggests that rewriting after corrections is of little value). But I have read through each of the corrections, and believe that I understand them. I will try to do Lesson 2 soon, and we'll see if I have taken them to heart!

mwh's version is much more stylish than Sidgwick's. Sidgwick's was very clear, but I had to read mwh's slowly.

Is there a way to do the "ὅστις δὲ μὴ πέμψειεν" without "ὅστις" and instead using the indefinite sentence construction the Sidgwick mentions in §20-22?
Joel Eidsath -- jeidsath@gmail.com

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Re: Sidgwick's Introduction to Greek Prose Composition I

Postby Hylander » Wed Mar 02, 2016 6:10 pm

Is there a way to do the "ὅστις δὲ μὴ πέμψειεν" without "ὅστις" and instead using the indefinite sentence construction the Sidgwick mentions in §20-22?


ει δε τις μη πεμψειε/εαν δε τις μη πεμψηι . . . τουτον αποθανεισθαι
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