ψυχρὸς νῦν ἐστιν, ὡς μάλιστα! χθὲς δὲ νιφὰς ἔπεσε. λάμπει μὲν οὖν ὁ ἥλιος, δύναται τήκειν τὴν νιφάδα δ' οὔ. σήμερον οὖν βραδέως περιπατήσω ἵνα μὴ ὀλἰσθω.
Σαῦλος wrote:πάντες ἡμεῖς γογγύζομεν. ἅπαξ μόνον ἔβρεξεν ενταῦθα! ὄντος θερμοῦ τοῦ ἀνέμου ἡ βροχή οὐκ ἔρχεται. καίπερ μὴ ἐρχομένης τῆς βροχῆς ἐχθές ἤκουσα την βροντήν. ἀκούοντος μου τήν βροντήν οἱ μαθηταί μου εἶπον ὅτι αὕτη ἡ βροντή σημαίνει ἔρχεσθαι τὴν βροχήν ταχύ.
οὐδέποτε ἐν εμῇ γῇ εἶδον κρυμόν ἤ νιφάδα ἐπι τοῦ ἐδάφους. ἐν τῴ Οὐισκονσινίᾳ αὐξάνων εἶδον τα αμφότερα.
(χαίρων τήν διόρθωσιν δέξομαι.)
Outside of ἐν τῇ εμῇ γῇ or ἐν μοῦ γῇ instead of ἐν εμῇ γῇ, I don't see any mistakes. Well done!
You should, though, add more connectives. This is much more of an art than a science. I don't have control of this yet. My use of connectives strikes me as not very artful,not quite right. But I do think the only way to get better at this is just to try out various styles and then take note of what you see in real Greek. I'll take a stab at adding connectives to your narrative.
Paul and Mark might well have written:
πάντες μὲν οὖν ἡμεῖς γογγύζομεν. ἅπαξ γὰρ μόνον ἔβρεξεν ενταῦθα! καὶ ὄντος θερμοῦ τοῦ ἀνέμου, ἡ βροχή οὐκ ἔρχεται. καίπερ δὲ μὴ ἐρχομένης τῆς βροχῆς ἐχθές ἤκουσα την βροντήν. καὶ ἀκούοντος μου τήν βροντήν οἱ μαθηταί μου εἶπον ὅτι αὕτη ἡ βροντή σημαίνει ἔρχεσθαι τὴν βροχήν ταχύ.
ἐν μὲν τῇ γῇ μου οὐδέποτε εἶδον κρυμόν ἤ νιφάδα ἐπι τοῦ ἐδάφους. ἐν δὲ τῴ Οὐισκονσινίᾳ αὐξάνων εἶδον δὴ τα αμφότερα.
If I took more time to rewrite what you wrote, I might well change the word order, precisely because for me the connectives one uses largely determines the word order, since certain sound combinations sound better than others. And the use of connectives are determined above all by a desire to avoid monotony. At least this is how is works for me. I THINK it worked the same for the Ancients, which is one reason why I am a Semantic minimalist. I could of course be wrong.
The word order that you use above does strike me as in the main euphonically sound.
Bedwere and Franmor, to name but two, are much better at this than I am. I wonder if in a sense good Ancient Greek prose writers are born, not made.
Genug! With the English enough already!
I am writing in Ancient Greek not because I know Greek well, but because I hope that it will improve my fluency in reading. I got the idea for this from Adrianus over on the Latin forum here at Textkit.